Tuesday, November 25, 2003


regarding my older son, they did that sensory test to figure out if he does have ADHD, and well, he does. so at least we know he is on the proper medication for that. they tested him without the ritilan and on it, and he did great being on it, so they changed the ritilan to concertta.

i knew he was a different kid on the ritilan, the behaviors were awful, but he appeared much better on that med.

now comes the psych testing, the neuro testing proved normal. CT negative, EEG negative, etc.......

basically, he is starting to show those wonderful behaviors in the RTC which everyone is glad about, so they can see what we are talking about, no one ever doubted us, but to see it first hand helps with the assessment.

plus, they feel, that alot of it is PTSD, and attachment issues. they feel do to his rocky transitions into homes, more like dump him in a home, this comes up through his control on not getting to close to us due to he figures he really wont be staying with us 'forever'

good news, they feel that living with his younger brother, is not the major cause. they feel it is more attachment issues due to all the transitions, they feel that he has bonded with us, but he is trying hard not too.

the hardest part i deal with, i visit him everyday and then we have this thing where he likes to wave goodbye to me until i am out of site. then as i walk to my car and look at the window as he is waving, i just ball when i get in my car, seeing his little face waving to me from that window.

Friday, October 31, 2003


does anyone know where i can get a list of good treatment programs in new england?

My 7 yr old son is in one now, and im not crazy about it (long story). I have been searching the internet and making phone calls, but it seems there are only like 2 of them.

Im sure there are more but i have no idea how i can get a list of these programs.

does anyone have any suggestions where i might go get one.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

this was not the plan

the social workers are tyring thier best to keep the brothers together, in our home.

this is our life, and we had no idea of these issues. when we went into adoption, we werent planning on this. These behaviors are apparently all new since his arrival with us.

again, its not up to the adoption agency, its up to us if we can parent the child.

I know the child is with us for reason. we discussed parenting this childeven if he needs to be in residential for a very lonig time, due to he is unstable to ever return to a normal family life, which we will do.

If they feel that he doesnt need residential, that he needs to be with his brother, and we cannot parent them both, we will give both children up.

IF we feel that it is better for the children to be seperated from each other in two different families, then we will do that.

basically, we are trying to figure out whats best for both children and for us. We can not go on the way we were going. when our son went for medical clearence before he was admitted yesterday, the psych that cleared him said that was one of the fastest evaluations he has ever done, the child needs residential.

as much as i knew this, that hurt me more then i can tell you. I wasnt prepared for a statment like that. But the fact is, it was the truth, i guess i never wanted to really believe that he was this ill. as im sure most parents feel.

even the child said he didnt want to live with his brother anymore, for whatever reason, but he also stated he wants his brother to leave and him stay.

clearly, living with his biobrother is too painful for him and bringing up his traumatic past. It is a very sad story, and i cant believe im part of it. We have to keep the childrens best interest up front.

so, yes, we will be honest with the social workers, if were not, we might not get the help that we need. No more secrets for this poor child, his foster mother did that and here we are. He needs help and I will keep yelling until he gets all the help he deserves.

thanks for the suggestion, but i think in our case, we need to be upfront on what is going on and figure out what is going to the best for my son.

they have a bed

well, yesterday we got the call about 3pm that they had a bed, but we had to go to the emergency room to get him medically cleared. We waited for hours, i started to get a little demanding because i was nervous that this child was going to go so late.

well, late it was, we didnt get him till the program until 11pm at night. We did our intake while ourson watched tv. He was so scared and frightened and didnt want to stay, he wanted to come home. It killed me.

i put him in his bed with 2 other roomates (which he was so happy about) while they were sleeping. He seemed ok, the only thing that i kept thinking wasthat he was going to wake up to strangers in his room that he never met.

I felt like driving over this morning to make sure he was alright, i called him on the phone and he said he was fine. But i just wanted to be sure, i decided not too go, just in case he needed to settle in and i wasnt sure what to do so i decided not too until i talked to one of the counselors.

Im sitting here at work and my mind is going crazy just wanting to go. Plus, my job is giving me a surprise shower....lol. Better late then never, write?....lol

But i have to act surprised and I really dont know what imgoing to say. Im probably going to say everything is great and pretend to be so happy. I have no desire to go pretend at this show, my boss knows whats going on and one my co-workers who is also a freind of mine know, but no- one else, I figure the child has a write to his own privacy.

anyway, just venting again, and feeling awful. Even though we know its the best it sure doesnt feel write.

Monday, October 27, 2003

45 days

The thearpist said that to get him in a 45day tx, will at least give us sometime to heal and get things back in perspective, she also said she didnt think 45 days would help him too much but it is easier to get him in 45days and then longeterm vs just going for longterm.

she stated over and over again that he needs to go and for us to not feel guilty. She said the tests that i requested for him could take a long time due to waiting lists,at least while he is there, they can do all that.

I realize this is for the best, but it kills me. We have discussed this with each other and we come to the conclusion that things happen for reasons. maybe the reason he came to us, was for just this, to get this child services that his previous foster parents neglected to give him. (you know the story on that) who knows, but were trying our best to realize that this is the best thing. even in our hearts we know.

tx program

well, at this point were waiting for our 7 yr old to go into a 45 day tx program. It could happen today or tommorrow, just when the bed opens up.

I cant tell you the mixed feelings im having. His counselor stated to us not to feel guilty, that the child needs services that we cannot give him, and living in our house is just so hard for him. she said dont hesitate to call the ambulance over the weekend if we need to.

well, yesterday, while i was brushing the 5 yr olds teeth, the 7 yr old came in and said that he wanted to go first. of course i said after i finish, but he didnt like this answer.

he started screaming and yelling so i had to remove him from the bathroom and lock the door while i finished cleaning up the 5 yr old. Then he started banging and throwing things at the door. and of course he had a few swear words to say. I thought he was going to break the door down.

then i put the 5 yr old in his room to get dressed, (he was naked at the time due to me cleaning him cause he wets his bed) i know, too much information...lol.

So I had to press my butt up at the bedroom door to keep the 7 yr old from coming in, again hes the banging at the door and the screaming, while im trying to dress the 5 yr old.

So there i am, im trying to dress the 5 yr old, i gotmy butt pressed up against his bedroom door to keep the seven yr old from coming in, i got the 7 yr old banging his fists and kicking the door in while screaming some fun words at me. Then i just had started laughing, thinking how riduculous this all is, that if my friends can see me now....lol.

then it hit me that i had enough, i just couldnt last the day with this suff, so called the ambulance (thank god i learned to carry the phone with me due to emergencies that may happen throughout the day).

all this because i brushed the littleguys teeth first.

then the little guy started to cry and begged for me not to send him to the hospital again. so he started screaming.

at this point, the seven yr old started pleading not to go to the hospital. I decided to cancel the ambulance since it seemed that the scare of going to the hospital calmed him down a little, and i didnt want him to go the residentail program like this.

As i had the two boys togther, the 7 yr old kept blamming his younger brother why he got mad and he wanted him to go, while the 5 yr old kept saying he wanted the 7 yr old to stay.

i start thinking, here is your older brother yelling that he wants you to go, and all you are saying is that you want him to stay.

anyway, now we are concerned that the younger brother has regressed so much, we dont know if we can handle him. He has learned so much in the 5 months since his brother has come to us.

things like "shut up, dont talk to me, you cant tell me what to do, your an a--head, your a f--a---head" God he learned quick. Plus he learned to bang on doors too.

we have no limits at our house anymore, it seems they run the household. I am hoping that once the olderchild goes for his 45 day evaluation, that we can bring back the other guy but last night we thought that maybe this is a sign that the younger one is now showing his behaviors.

we are hoping that we can get him back, but were not sure.
God this is tough.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

fear are real

My 7 yr old is definitly petrified, he has nightmares at 10pm and 3pm. His fears are real. As for the 5 yr old, he is totally manipulating...lol.

But his screaming drives me through the roof. But i do have good news. I talked to the day care and asked if they can not have him nap in the afternoon. They agreed, I told them that he needs 10hrs of sleep at night, which he can do, but with no nap.

It seems he has been napping at preschool and then wide awake when he gets home, so the last few nights have been pretty good, I still get the yelling, but at least its only taking him 1/2 hour to get to sleep vs 3 hours to get to sleep....lol.

as i put in my earlier posts about my 7 yr old, over the last week, he has been asking for "hug and KIss" vs "hug". He likes to kiss me on the cheek every morning. I cant believe it!!!

Im looking at progress not perfection...lol. Anyway, slowly but surely he seems to be adjusting, his tantrums have quieted down since the admission to the hospital, and even though he still gets angry and threatens me, he seems to pull him self together, and after he goes through what he gets through, he wants me to hold him for a little while.

anyway, i just thought id give an update on whats been going on with him. I think these meds are helping him, he seems to be doing much better. Again, progress, not perfection....lol

Friday, September 26, 2003

i hate bedtime

the seven yr old is petrified to stay by himself and wants one of us to sleep with him till he falls asleep. We have discussed during one of our family meetings what they wanted to do for bedtime to make it easier. Of course they said what we do already, except instead of one story, they want two....lol

But i dont know how to leave the seven yr old when he is petriied.

then comes the five yr old, he wants you to stay with him till he falls asleep, just because. If you get up he starts screaming and tantruming.

they both want to sleep in our bed, but if i put them in our bed together...well, the playing starts all over again.

last night was the same thing, our family meeting didnt work...lol. so i put them on the floor in their blankets (sleeping bags) out of sight from each other, and they fell asleep within 15 min.....then when we went to bed, we just brought them to their rooms.

maybe thats what we have to do for a while. I just wish they would stay in their rooms, we dont force them to sleep, we just want them to stay in their rooms alone. IT just aint happening....lol

Thursday, September 25, 2003

so far so good

well, he seems to be holding up. We came up with starting the day over, he hasnt yet really given a full out tantrum. He woke up in a mood this morning and very demanding. nothing was good enough.

Then we talked and we decided to start the day over, and he responded well to that. So i gave him a hug.

However, the 5 yr old, he was just so miseralble last night while i was trying to put them to bed. I was alone last night, and i hate being alone with the two of them, talk about work getting two kids to bed when theres only one of you. I hate feeling that anxious.

I think he just wanted alone time because when i started to read to him, the 7 yr old got out of his bed and wanted to read another story too. So i said ok, he can join us then the 5 yr old said "no he cant, i want him to leave...etc." then came the meltdown of the 5 yr old, but the seven yr old held it together.

sometimes i question my parenting skills to be honest, sometimes i think i cant do this thing. i am reading the love and logic book im hoping this will help, most of the books i read thus far hasnt helped, and believe me, i read alot of them....AHHHH!!!!

there is one concern i have, we talked to the RAD therpay guy and he said you need to be really clear that your going to keep him before you start this type of therapy. It makes alot of sence. so now were not sure what were going to do still.

it was so funny last night, i made a major mistake because i was so tired and so frustrated getting these kids to bed that i said in a very weak moment. "maybe im not a good parent and i cant take care of you" at that time, i was feeling it, but i shouldnt of said that.

then the 7 yr old tried to console me...."you are a good parent, we will listen, im sorry, you are a good daddy, your my forever daddy..." etc. I was dying inside, im thinking, "what did i do, what did i say" thats all he needs to hear is that he might not be with us forever. I cant beieve this kid had to console his daddy, whats wrong with this picture.

hey, two steps forward, one step back. oh well, im glad this is annoymous, so i can write this stuff down....lol. So goes on the struggle. Im actually thinking of hiring someone to come and help me put these kids to bed at night when i have to be by myself. I cant believe im even thinking about it, but its so diffulcult putting two kids to bed with their issues at the same time.

does anyone have suggestions on putting two kids to bed when theres only one of you?

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

home again

well, our son came home on monday, been too busy to check the email and go online.

He seems to be doing ok, it is now wednesday, we put him on a behavior chart that the hospital used. Basically, he just cant handle any limits placed on him so we will try this.

He is trying so hard to be good, and needs constant reasurring that he is being good. Its really quite sad. He has walked away from his brother when his brother starts screaming (he has his own issues, but its more for attention, hes five).

At our discharge meeting, we were loud and clear that if he gets worse, we will not be adopting them and if they are still adiment about keeping these two together, then we will have to let the other guy go as well.

we have FST coming in our home next week to evaluate and see what we can change, we really want this to work, plus he has his first therapy appt with a new therapist. We also are getting them in sibling therapy together to see if that helps.

The 5 yr old is acting up alot since his brother came home, im not sure whats going on, but he tells me he is excited that he is home. But who knows.

But you should see my 7 yr old, trying so hard to be good. This morning, we had a minor setback, i mean minor. He wanted to play outside before school. I said no, he got angry and hit the wall then started crying. I put him in his room for 'quiet time', and he was still angry. It only lasted about 10 min till he could pull himself together rather then three hours. He does say im mean, but im not, i dont yell or even get emotional.

I use to try to talk about that i wasnt being mean, but i realized, that was just a battle that he wanted to partake in. basically, if you say 'no', then your mean. He said this morning on how good he was and he didnt yell he just cried....lol. He also said to get his behavior chart and for me to tell him things he can do so he doesnt start yelling. I couldnt believe it. Of course the thing he wanted me to say, wasnt on his chart, but just the idea that he was asking for the help, was great. He did say he wanted to talk about it.

anyway, he calmed down and we went to school with no other problems, except when he was ready to get out of the car, he said his nose was red for crying and he wanted a tissue, he didnt want the other kids to know.

I realize we are still in the honymoon period, but hey, im holding on to hope. Im looking for progress, not perfection...lol

so we will see how this goes, they were talking about putting him on resperdal, an anti-psyhcotic, to see how it works, but they need to go to court to get a 'rogers'. so they decided to wait and see what happens with the increase of tenex.

we are hoping for the best. We are worried though, yesterday there was a cat outside (we dont have any pets) and they both wanted to go play with it, so i let them. This cat has come by the house on and off for about 1 mo. I had the kids feed him once, i knew what was going to happen, but hey, they really wanted to feed him, i just couldnt resist....lol. The 5 yr old swears the cat is his friend,and he comes to visit him.....lol

anyway, the 5 yr old was hitting a bucket with a stick really hard, after saying hello to his friend, and i couldnt make out what he was hitting, the 7 yr old was laughing and I asked what he was hitting, and he said it was the cat. I ran out and the 5 yr old said "hes kidding, its just the bucket"

I know the cat scratched him two weeks ago (the 7 yr old) should i be concerned with this. We did give him a fish, and he takes real good care of it, he loves it). Im just concerned that he made a statement like that. He enjoys the cat, but i think since it scratched him, he doesnt like it anymore.

Thursday, September 18, 2003


update, we had the big meeting yesterday, they decided to try risperdal. They stated to us the big issues is the aggression, they said its an antipsycotic med given to adults with biploar but find it works with kids with being real aggressive.

They said that he has such a severe trauma history, its amazing how well he has actual coped with it all. they said that he has bonded with us, because he does talk about how he misses us and wants to come home with us soon.

their looking to discharge him on monday. Its amazing, the minute they become inpatient, everyone jumps, we were on a 3 mo waiting list for the adoption unit for psych and now they bumped it up for a week.

anyway, we will see what happens,god i want so much for these brothers and us to live all together.

Monday, September 15, 2003

just another tantrum

hi all
Well, the weekend came and like i figured it, he threw another tantrum on us. It started at 7am in the morning because i couldnt make his airplane fly by itself and i wouldnt run to the store to get him an airplane that did fly by itself. oh well, what are u going to do.

We had to seperate the boys but of course the seven yr old wasnt having it. We couldnt get him in the car to the emergency room, so i called an ambulance. I think it was the hardest phone call i ever had to make. because i knew, once we made it, there was no turning back.

The ambulance came and off to the hospital we go. We were in the hospital till about 4pm when they decided to admit him. It was so horrible, the guilt i felt. He was crying on my shoulder as i held him, pleading and begging for me to not to leave him there, he kept staying "i promise i wont yell or hit anymore" I almost lost it. I just wanted to find the nearest bathroom and break down and cry. HE kept saying, "am i going to live here forever?" IM telling you folks, it was horrible.

They did do an CT-skan on him to rule out any past head injury. but they said they will keep him for 7 days to figure out whats going on. I told them he will be great in the hospital and they laughed and said "we know, were expecting that, what happens at home and what happens in the hospital are so different" so at least they are aware of that. Anyway, they wouldnt let me stay with him overnight, so we said our goodbyes at 7pm when we felt it was ok to leave..

He called us on the phone last night at 8 to say goodnight and talk to his brother. The conversation put tears in my eyes as i listened on the other phone, he told his brother that he thinks he made some friends, he was so proud of that. So we all said good night. Oh the heartbreak.

we called this morning and talked to him, and he seemed fine, he said he missed us and loves us. The doctor said we cant spend the day with him, he said go to work, he is here with us and we have alot to do. I guess the program is pretty structured.

I feel like crying as im writing this. There were so many times in the EW that i just felt like taking him home and say "we will figure this all out" I dont know what kept me from doing it, i guess i knew deep down that this is for the best. The guilt was overpowering, let me tell you.

I know were good parents, but i dont know if were the right parents for this child. If he cant live in our home safly, then we will have to go from there. We do love this child, it is amazing, when your going through this you realize how much we love this kid.

His brother is fine, we had to have a freind come by to watch him, and he told him "my brother is in the hospital because he yells alot." Its amazing. His brother was a perfect angel last night and this morning. were not sure if he is enjoying the quiet, or he is scared that he might have to go, we dont know. We think he is just enjoying a little one on one time. But you never know with these kids.

regarding bipolar, his mother was bipolar and all the doctors are aware of it. I think that could be a part of it too. Anyway, we will see where this goes, he has only been with us for 5mo, so we dont know if it will get easier, people keep telling us that. But were not sure when, no one really knows the answer to that question.

we do go to a support group,and we started counseling, god knows we need that, we get support anywhere we can...lol. IM not one to be shy for asking for help...lol

on a lighter side, when i read the program from the hospital, they was a paragraph in there that stated something in the effect that we have to priortize, and dont worry about the laundry and cleaning the house....I had to laugh, to be honest, this morning, before work,i did laundry, payed some bills, cleaned up a little bit, fed the little guy, dropped him off at daycare, went back home, made some phone calls regarding the seven yr old....etc.. I think it should be the other way around, now that i dont have to watch him every minute of the day, i can actual get things done....lol. I just kinda found it amusing.

anyway, here we go again, hopefully, they will find something. I told them i have tapes of him in his tantrum, and i want them to see it. We started taping some of them because we didnt think anyone would believe us.....lol.

Friday, September 12, 2003

wont be adopting

we will tell the social workers thatwe will not be adopting them in Nov due to the problems. We already have discussed this between us, we didnt expect this and were not sure if were the right parents for him.

we also discussed that if they still feel that they want these kids together,we realize it will be very painful to give up the little guy, and i think thats where the fear sets in on getting this child out ofthe house. The little guy clearly loves being with us, everytime we mention that we can visit his foster mom, he says "no, i want to stay here". we try to explain but i think hes scared that he might be moving. The thought of them moving him will devastate him and us. Clearly he has bonded with us, he issuch a sweet little guy, dont get me wrong, he has his issues, but there more managble. He does respond to consequences, and does have respect.

anyway, the weekend is here, which im sure all hell will break loss, he usually doesnt do great on the weekends. We have decided if he does another blow out meltdown, we will call the psych team and get him admitted and then we will deal with the SSW's and what they are going to plan to do.

were just so scared of losing the little guy. anyway, wish us luck.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

another lovely day in the park

yesterday, i took the boys to the park and we were all having a great time, i was helping them swing, then out of the blue, he decided it would be fun to kick me in the eye.

I stopped the swing and took him off, he started tantruming so it was time to go. then later on he said "Im real sorry" and that was the end of it.

However, i sat with him to do his homework for the first time, since the ritalin, and oh my god, he did it with no problems,he stayed pretty focused, that was a miracle.

I called the psych emergency team here in Mass and explained the situation, he said at the next meltdown, get an ambulance and have him admitted into a residential because he needs 24 hour care. which we will do. Were not ready to give up on this kid just yet, of course were worried if by placing him somewhere that he will regress so much that he will never get over this hump. It gets so confusing. We will stick with him because i feel write now, we are his only advocates.

if this was the only child, i think the decisions would be so easy, but his brother loves him so much and i dont know how this will all effect him. I mean they play with each other constantly.

I was referred to this doctor by the name of Ross Greene, he wrote the book, 'The explosive Child',he is here in Boston where we live, i will try to find his number and see what he has to say. We get so drained. Sometimes we feel like were walking on eggshells to aviod a meltdown.

Ive been really realaxed on certain rules, like he loves water, and loves to go in the bathroom sink and fill up baggies with water, for a while, i let him do one baggy, but then it became this major tantrum when i would set that limit, so lately im looking at things differently, really trying to evaluate certain rules.

So what if he gets the floor wet while bringing the water outside. Its really not causing any harm to anyone,(just me, ihave to clean it up). But latly thats what ive been doing, bending alot of things.

But the next tantrum, i will call the psych team and then go from there. I looked up all his DX, RAD, ADHD, PTSD. There is so many conflicting reports, one doctor said that he didnt feel he had any of these just PTSD, that he wasnt hyper at all. BUt im going to follow through with theadvice you guys gave, and lucyjoy and Dr. Art, i am going to find a specialist that deals with or has some background with RAD. HIs mother was DX with bipolar, and ive talked to his psych about that, but they just want his anxiety to lesson so they can figure out whats wrong with him.

I think we had enough of listening to people and were going to just find a spicailist that deals with this stuff. Its just so scary, when we decided to adopt, we never planned for this.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

the big stuff

uh uh, were in big stuff here.

our seven yr old was put on clonidine to calm him down so they could properly dx him. the clonidine worked great, he was on it for about two weeks and we noticed a big difference. but he started to get night terrors so we took him off.

as he was weening off the clonidine, he became extrememly angry, the tantrums started all over again, he started to bite and physically assault us and his 5 yr old brother. (again, but worse)

it was horrible, we had to seperate them for fear of safty. we called the emergency room, but they said just bring him in, i told them there is no way he will get in the car. THen the said call an ambulance, which i should of done, but instead, i just sat with him, till he calmed down.

we called the social worker and asked if maybe he should be placed in a residential program for a couple of weeks until they find the right med because he not only is assaultive, he also was playing a game with his younger brother and he said, "lets build a truck and then we can run over daddy", which of course got me quite concerned. He had kicked his door in and broke it and then i heard him talk to his brother about when he gets in trouble to wear his shoes so he can break the door in also. His brother said no, he didnt want to do that. We are both starting to question if we can handle this child. from what we were told, the child was doing fine for the last two yrs in foster care (which, dont get me started on that foster mother)

the social worker and her supervisor came by the other night, she realizes that he is diffulcult, but she stated you cannot admit a child to find what meds work. she said we were doing a great job and this is the first time he is able to get out all his frustations and anger out because he feels safe enough. Well, im not sure if his brother is safe enough. I can handle this child write now, hes 7, but he will get older and get stronger, which makes us worried.

the psych just put him on ritalin and prozac on saturday, (he is on the lowest dose of both right now) the report from school is that he appears to be doing better, he takes the ritalin in the AM and last dose at 12pm. since these meds, he seems more hyper then ever, around bedtime, he is wide awake and doesnt fall asleep until 10:00-10:30, which his bedtime before was around 8:00-8:30.

i realize, the ritalin gets out of the system fast, if this is the case, then why is he so hyped up at night. I have never seen him this hyped up. We have not had a tantrum since these new meds, but we are handling him with extreme caution to prevent a tanturm. He will not walk anywhere, he runs and then bangs into things and then falls down and starts crying, but then up again, and does his running thing. He gets tons of exercise, we play 'chase each other around the house' just to tire him out, but no luck.

so now were wondering what is going on.

any suggestions on any meds that might work? the clonidine was working great except the nightterrors. I called the doctor, and she said she will look into it something like the clonidine.

Thursday, March 20, 2003


my 5 yr old boy has been tantruming all over the place cause he doesnt want to go to preschool. he says the kids dont like him and wont let him play, of course he is always saying "your a poo poo head" hes been saying it alot, and when hes real mad, hell call you an *******. he knows all the curse words and pending on how angry he gets, he has no problem using them. And yes, hes a charming as he could be when he wants to be.

this has been getting worse as time goes on, when he is ready for school, he cries and holds onto my leg and cries "dont go, dont go" while i am ready to go to work, ........

im not sure whats going on with him, hes therapist keep telling us to keep the routine no matter how much he cries. He can tantrum for hours..so i can relate to the problems, just more parts to the journey


our son was DX with RAD just to name a few of them......the social worker stated that alot of kids in the foster system are DX with RAD (which was the one i was worried about)

this kid has bonded to us so much. So im not really sure who DX some of these kids. plus, some of the other DX i question also, i researched all of them, and he doesnt seem to fit in the category all that much. He might have a 1 or 2 of the syptoms but then i agian.....so do i.....HA HA HA

I remember when he came, everything he did i questioned if it was normal, i read tons of books on adoption, and i looked up all the signs.....(i never had bio kids) then i finally got a book on normal kid development......guess what.....his behaviors were pretty normal. He will continue with play therapy to deal with his past and stuff, but he seems like a happy 5 yr old who is just thrilled to have a forever family.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

help please

ill try to brief, but we need help....we are adopting two brothers from two different foster care homes. A 5 and 7 yr old, as we started visititation with the 5 yr old, the 7 yr olds foster parents decided they wanted to adopt him, mind you the two children have been in foster care for two years and visitation with the two kids were really consitant. the 5 yr old has been placed with us and its been great, however, the 7 yr olds foster parents put in for their child specific homestudy, they clearly stated that if they have to adopt the 5 yr old to keep "their" 7 yr old, they dont want him, but they will take him if they have to.

I guess due to the law, they have every write to put in for their homestudy. Well, as months went on (homestudies due take a while as we know) then last week we got the call that every parent would fear, "we had to remove the 7 yr old from their foster parents because one of the other foster children was sexually abusing him. And apparently, the foster parents knew it was happening and never reported it," We did have the 7 yr old for a sleep over, and the two brothers were so great together. When we had to bring back the 7 yr old, the two kids were so upset, it took about an hour to calm them both down, the 7 yr old wanted to stay with us. It was heart wrenching.

anyway, just then we got another phone call to say their homestudy had been denied and it didnt have anything to do with what just happened, it was a seperate thing.

So yesterday was the day they were going to sit down with the 7 yr olds foster parents and tell them their homestudy was denied, they brought their lawyer.

Well, guess what, not only did they decide to appeal the denial, (i guess they have the right) but they are also placing the seven yr old back with them until the appeal is final. and yes, the foster child who abused the seven yr old, is still living there.

what the hell is wrong with this system? Is there anything we can do? We really need some help here, as the pre-adoptive home for one of the brothers, do we have any writes at all, we are getting our own lawyer now because apparently what is best for the child doesnt seem to be a concern. I guess I just need some explanation on why this would happen, has anyone else ran across this kind of problem

Both of the kids are considered special needs kids to begin with.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

unknown sibling

hi all,

well, heres a kicker, i just found out that my two sons have a half sibling.

apparently, he is 11mo old. As some of you know what has been going on with our family, i told the social worker, NO WAY!!!!!!.

she did say the child was removed within two months after birth. I guess the calls started to come in again in regards to neglect and abuse from neighbors.

the baby is placed with a foster famiy who simply loves the child and will probably adopt him. THANK GOD!!!!

we are not going to tell our kids yet, due to all the trauma they are dealing with now. But eventually we would like to start maybe visitations somewhere down the road.

part of me wants the brother (am i sick or what) and the other part is "i dont want to know anything, dont mention the other child for a while, till we can get through this hurdle with my kids."


anyway, just found out this morning and sickened by it, justs thought id pass it on. the reason we took the two boys from the beginning was because we didnt want to break up the siblings and i guess we have to do it anyway.