so far so good

well, he seems to be holding up. We came up with starting the day over, he hasnt yet really given a full out tantrum. He woke up in a mood this morning and very demanding. nothing was good enough.

Then we talked and we decided to start the day over, and he responded well to that. So i gave him a hug.

However, the 5 yr old, he was just so miseralble last night while i was trying to put them to bed. I was alone last night, and i hate being alone with the two of them, talk about work getting two kids to bed when theres only one of you. I hate feeling that anxious.

I think he just wanted alone time because when i started to read to him, the 7 yr old got out of his bed and wanted to read another story too. So i said ok, he can join us then the 5 yr old said "no he cant, i want him to leave...etc." then came the meltdown of the 5 yr old, but the seven yr old held it together.

sometimes i question my parenting skills to be honest, sometimes i think i cant do this thing. i am reading the love and logic book im hoping this will help, most of the books i read thus far hasnt helped, and believe me, i read alot of them....AHHHH!!!!

there is one concern i have, we talked to the RAD therpay guy and he said you need to be really clear that your going to keep him before you start this type of therapy. It makes alot of sence. so now were not sure what were going to do still.

it was so funny last night, i made a major mistake because i was so tired and so frustrated getting these kids to bed that i said in a very weak moment. "maybe im not a good parent and i cant take care of you" at that time, i was feeling it, but i shouldnt of said that.

then the 7 yr old tried to console me...."you are a good parent, we will listen, im sorry, you are a good daddy, your my forever daddy..." etc. I was dying inside, im thinking, "what did i do, what did i say" thats all he needs to hear is that he might not be with us forever. I cant beieve this kid had to console his daddy, whats wrong with this picture.

hey, two steps forward, one step back. oh well, im glad this is annoymous, so i can write this stuff down....lol. So goes on the struggle. Im actually thinking of hiring someone to come and help me put these kids to bed at night when i have to be by myself. I cant believe im even thinking about it, but its so diffulcult putting two kids to bed with their issues at the same time.

does anyone have suggestions on putting two kids to bed when theres only one of you?