Monday, October 25, 2004




it hit me like a ton of bricks. they wanted me to drop off my sons health ins card and an updated photo.

why the photo? i asked

they said, they are putting him up for adoption track as soon as he gets to his new program today (the one we wanted)

i mean, i want him to have a new family, get on with his life, but i guess the photo just hit me hard. like this is really happening, i dont want to see him on some computer photo listing.....i am having so many feelings around this

we were also not invited to his intake at the new place because the new place said we are not his 'parents'

i guess thats the first time i heard that. just stab me in my heart. Even though i know this, i just had a hard time hearing it....i said we are the closest thing to his parents that he knows, so until he says we are not his parents, then we are....(i was nice about it)

everything all at once.....his therapist at the hospital felt it was important for us go (i do too) because we are the only family he knows...but they were clear that he needs to settle in without us.

i said when i go through major changes, i like people i know around me too support me, why cant a 8 yr old have the same kind of support.

i told them, that i told him, that he will never have to do anything alone, that i will always be there for him....i guess i lied to him, yet again.......

they disagreed with hoping they will at least let me see him tonight.

i dont know....i knew this was happening, but i guess its REALLY happening....

just feeling sad today.

plus, my little guy doing this all by himself breaks my heart.....

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

im clueless

im clueless


hi all,

i need advice and i am truly at a stand still.

my younger son has been acting out alot at school...we have a meeting today to discuss his IEP and his acting out.

as most know, our older son, his bio sib has been disrupted due to behaviors but we are still in his life, in all accounts, still his family.

the whole family visits our older son each sunday for dinner.

heres what i am torn about...i realize that there is sibling regression after visits...

but could his acting out be because of these visits?...should i put the visits on hold for a little while? should i bring him maybe every other week vs every week?

when i tell him "today were going to visit 'N', he say she doesnt want to go, the drive is too long....

but im wondering if there is something else going on with him.

his therapist wants to wait a few more weeks and see how it goes, but i really dont think they are going to be many changes in his behavior.

i really am at a stand still...he knows his brother isnt coming back, but im not sure if these visits are confusing him. we have talked to him, but the regression, especially on mondays, after the sunday visit, are getting more and more diffulcult.

i had chalked it up as just being a monday, but now im wondering....

any ideas or suggestions...

Monday, October 18, 2004

hitting and kicking

hitting and kicking


hi all,

well, my 6 yr old child is having some problems at school. It has been reported that he has been hitting and kicking other kids for no apparent reason.

october is tough for him anyway, he was removed from birth mom on holloween and his birth mom tried to scare them with witches, owls, and the devil. So there are alot of those hanging up for holloween.

this is no excuse, but i have no idea on how to stop it. I understand that this time of year is hard for him, and i do have empathy.....but its still no excuse.

today he wouldnt go on the bus, he says he hates school but doesnt know why.

also, he gets mad at me when i pick him up early from school, because he says i pick him up to early and he wants to stay at school and have fun.

so i know he DOES like it, he just gets in the moods.

the principle wants a meeting on wednesday to discuss this and i have no idea what to do.

i talked to his pscyh and she said for us to give him the clonidine during the day as well as at night.

so i gave him the clonidine on saturday, 1/4 of it,(very small dose) and he was so zombied out that it was hard to watch. He wasnt talking, just going through the day.

yes, he is more calmer, but hes so lathargic that i dont want to put him on it so i didnt give it to him on sunday or today.

anyway, i threw alot out there.

how do prevent the hitting and kicking other kids? He is a little hyper and he doesnt think before he acts.

basically, if we get a report from school, then his bike goes in time out for the day....(he loves his bike).

but it doesnt seem to be working.

he doesnt do it everyday, maybe 2-3 times a week.

i know some out there had these issues before, how do you stop it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004




well, good news and bad...they are seeing my sons issues, as most know...and they finally are getting a 'rogers' ready for court for him so he can go on a anti-psycotic.

they stated what we had been saying for 2 yrs now, that when he gets in that state, there is nothing that can be done about it...

they are lookng into scizophrenia also, becuase he says he does hear things and sees things....we knew this, but everyone said that its due to truama....

they said clearly he has PTSD and a language processing issues, but they are looking into other things due to how responds to certain things.

they called it 'psychotic states'....they feel that he goes into these psychotic states but they are not clear on what causes it due to his age.

the doctor did give him zyprexia once due to they just couldnt control him....and it seemed to calm him down, but they are not saying it was the zyprexia, but they are not discounting it either.

anyway, im glad they are finally listening to us, and understanding that his behaviors are just not normal...

the fact that he is only 8, leaves them unable to dx, but they are now willing to try things.

its been a long hard road for this hoping they can help him so he can have some sort of peace from the demons in his head...

now my new fight....they may place my son in the group home that he was in when he was with us...i promised him that he wouldnt have to go to that place again....thats when he was living with us...

it all falls on DSS now....its an awful place...even santa didnt come at the christmas party.....he was suppose too...but didnt make it....too bad kiddies...maybe next year...

dont get me started on that....

and how many times does the staff yell at these kids...every time ive been there...i cant imagine whats it like if a parent isnt there......

they found a good place for him, which is closer to our house...but the list is they will have to see...they feel that his old group home knows him and that will be good....

which i know it wont be good...

after my son had breakdowns...or should i say 'psycotic states'...he begged me not to bring him too that group home

im going to call his GAL and see if she/he will listen to us.......he just cant go back there!!!!!! it will be the worst thing for him.

anyway...theres the good and the bad.....the struggles continues...

Friday, October 1, 2004

is it me?

is it me?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pissed son had his class pictures know the ones im talking about.

well, we put his check in the little envelope, they need it on the day of pictures, and when he came home, the check was still in the back pack.

i went to parent-teacher conference last night and asked why my son had come home with the check...i thought they needed it for the day of pictures.

she said "they do, i checked all the kids backpacks but couldnt find my sons"

she said "i will call and see if there is anything we can do"

at first i wanted to yell.....because not only was the check in his backpack...i had a big thick envelope addressed to the nurse with his medical stuff in it...there is no way she could of missed that envelope....that was still in his backpack too when he got home.

i think she just forgot to look in my sons backpack.

so, hopefully they can do something......i dont want to see his face on the day all the kids get their pictures and my son is sitting there not getting his......

could we just getta a break here....

maybe its me...maybe im expecting too others have these constant 'mistakes'.......and im just over sensitive....or are these things just happening to us and my kids....

i need a break...