photo!

photo!!!!!

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it hit me like a ton of bricks. they wanted me to drop off my sons health ins card and an updated photo.

why the photo? i asked

they said, they are putting him up for adoption track as soon as he gets to his new program today (the one we wanted)

i mean, i want him to have a new family, get on with his life, but i guess the photo just hit me hard. like this is really happening, i dont want to see him on some computer photo listing.....i am having so many feelings around this

we were also not invited to his intake at the new place because the new place said we are not his 'parents'

i guess thats the first time i heard that. just stab me in my heart. Even though i know this, i just had a hard time hearing it....i said we are the closest thing to his parents that he knows, so until he says we are not his parents, then we are....(i was nice about it)

everything all at once.....his therapist at the hospital felt it was important for us go (i do too) because we are the only family he knows...but they were clear that he needs to settle in without us.

i said when i go through major changes, i like people i know around me too support me, why cant a 8 yr old have the same kind of support.

i told them, that i told him, that he will never have to do anything alone, that i will always be there for him....i guess i lied to him, yet again.......

they disagreed with me.....im hoping they will at least let me see him tonight.

i dont know....i knew this was happening, but i guess its REALLY happening....

just feeling sad today.

plus, my little guy doing this all by himself breaks my heart.....