Tuesday, August 7, 2007

I have to sit alone.....

i know this is probably more common then i think, but i cant even sit and watch tv with the kids because they fight over who will sit next to me.

I know it sounds weird, but the minute i sit down, then one yells "im sitting next to daddy"...then they both get up and race, and it actually gets physical.

so i basically get up and sit by myself. (in the hard uncomfortable chair..... )

i have tried timing, but then it goes into this "im first' argument.

it really is bothering me. I get the 'not enough love to go around' stuff, but knowing why it is happening, just doesnt seem to be enough.....lol

so what have others done, it really is driving me crazy. Its not like i dont spend alot of time with them, i spend tons of time with them.

what have others done, im sure this is a common problem, but with kids with loss issues to boot, not sure how to handle it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

bossy behavior

ive been so busy with the adoption and all that great stuff. But i need some advice.

My older son has been very bossy and disrepectful. He 'demands' our time when he needs us, and it's starting to wear thin.

If he losses something, he tells us we have to help him find it.

"I'll help you after I finish the dishes" doesnt work for him...he goes into this "you never help me"..."you dont love me"..."your so mean".....crap.

then he starts screaming that someone 'stole' the thing he is looing for...

then i say
"if you keep talking to me like that, I wont help you at all"

then he has a major meltdown, and well, we dont help him,

how can i change this behavior. he has been doing this for so long and im just plan sick of it.

I know i havnt been as active here as before, but if there is any advice that any of you have to stop this behavior, i would appreciate it.

we are on a 'chip' system (reward system) and when he is disrepectful, we take away chips....the system does work with most things, but not this.

I'm not buying that he is being 'trauma reactive' anymore.....because sometimes, when I look at him while he is yelling like a crazy person, i start to laugh, and pending on his mood, he sometimes will laugh to realizing how 'crazy' this is.

I know that in his past, his screaming has gotten him what he wants by all everyone, but not here, but it doesnt seem to register to him that it doesnt work anymore. how many years of this will it take to compute that we are not helping him when he yells like this? .

Sunday, May 20, 2007

adoption day

i just wanted to share the good news that my older son will be adopted on may 24.

as most know, we have been through hell and back with him, and well, its time.

the last few months have actually been very hard due to him testing, but lately he seems to have settled in now, and believes that this is actually going to happen.

i really havnt been on the forum all that much in the last year, but life happens. I just wanted to share with you guys the good news.

i wish i could say id like to end the post there, but well, things might be great for my older son. My younger son, when they fight, cries and says he doesnt want us to adopt our older son.

I know its because he is angry at him, at that moment, but my older son gets really sad when his brother says it.

I have talked to my younger son, but when he is mad, well, he is mad. Of course within the next hour, they are 'brothers' again, and life is back to normal.

but im wondering what is really going on? has anybody had this kind of situation where the sibling is flip floppy on adoption of their sibling.

im sure its common, and i think i get it, but it kills me to see my older sons face when he says it.

anyway, as for more of an update.....

my older son has gotten student of the month a few times, and my younger son, got the principle award last month, which is pretty huge in his school.

we took him off clonidine, he was on such a low dose and only took it at night, but im wondering if that is what it was.

he still is an anxious kid, but who knows. maybe he also is settling in.

Saturday, March 31, 2007


I have a question, and I figured id put it out here. My older son is currently on tenex and risperdal.

about 1 month ago we were playing around and he hurt his neck...not bad, but clearly something happened.

He seemed fine and it was no big deal.

about 3 days later i started to notice that he would swich (is that a word) his head and neck, like how people crack their knuckles....to get the 'kinks' out sort of speak.

well, i brought him to the doctor who examined him (no x-ray) and said that he pulled a mscl in his neck, and he will be fine. just rest and motrin.

well, he is still doing it. He seems to be doing more and more.

I talked to the nurse at school and she said that it looks like a 'tic'.

So, I'm wondering, can any of these meds cause tics. I checked on the computer and apparently risperdol helps tics...

Ill take him back to the doctor next week, but i figured id put this out there if anyone has ever heard of this before.

Monday, February 5, 2007

feeling hopeless

both my kids find words or saying that cause people to jump. weather its a control issue or whatever it is.

Ive been trying so hard not to jump on anything they say as it gives them 'power' when they say it.

i understand its a serious threat, so ill jump, but i hope it doesn't send him back now. its such a tough call.

if he did use it for attention, then he will continue to use it as i 'reacted' to it.

hope you guys are right on this one, if not i just screwed myself for some regression.......

God i hate making these kinds of decisions...why cant they just understand that using certain language is not appropriate and then move on....the minute i give any weight to anything they say, its like a mantra for the next few months.

but what are you going to do, just feeling really kinda sad.....ill call his therapist this morning, shes new, so like most therapist, she will take everything he says seriously.....

how does therapy help kids in the long run.....anyone have any idea?...he plays, and she follows his lead, and then they discuss.....but my kids are really seeing it as playing.

i guess i get pist a little because my boys, even though they have issues, still cant be boys. boys are so full of energy yet when they bring that energy into the building they are suffering from anxiety.

the psych from my younger son he is clearly real anxious and we need to up his dose on his meds.

i told her that he becomes a zombie, and i rather continue to use it just for his sleep because he has been doing great in school. I also told her that when he comes to any kind of therapy he gets real anxious because they always ask about his brother...and he thinks that if he says anything wrong they will take his brother away (and for good reason, since this has happened numerous times in our home and they were separated for 3 yrs due to the same stuff before us.)

she said, well, he is anxious, and wants us to try it.

so i decided to try it, because sometimes i do question myself....guess who just stood there at his class recital? He just stood there and this was not from stage fright, it was him just kinda in a zombie effect.

plus, he hasn't been doing well in school again, i have been getting the calls. So i took him off the morning dose.

sorry for venting, I'm in such a hopeless state lately. Im starting to get real tired again, trying to figure them out.

as you can tell, i am questioning therapy again. every time i bring them, its the same crap, my kids are messed up.....but i hate it that i cant say 'well, my 'normal' son does this, can anything be normal about my kids, or will they always be messed up and everything they say or do needs to b e analyzed as such "

just feeling hopeless and feeling very sad for my kids...it appeared to me that wee have come so far, but the experts keep telling me that there are so many issues....

just not knowing what the right thing to do is...i hate this kind of position, I'm damned if i do and damned if i don't.....

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Im stupid

my older son during his tantrums has yelled, "I am stupid" "i hate myself" "i wish i was dead"

I do feel these are legitimate for him.

But now my younger son is starting to say these things, and I use to take those statements as not being serious.

But now I'm wondering. He is behind in school, and I'm not sure if the "i am stupid" is real, as for the "i wish i was dead" is usually when he doesn't get his way, then starts the mantra of 'I'm stupid, I'm this and that, and I wish i was dead'

i got the call Friday from his after school program expressing concern over the 'killing myself' issue.

I'm starting to feel that maybe i should react. I did ask him when i picked him up what he meant by it, he said he really doesn't want to....

i told him that its good to tell how people how you feel, but when you dint mean something, you shouldn't say it...

I'm not sure if he got what i meant...I'm worried that if he gets older and does want to kill himself, he wont tell anyone...

now, that's problem one...

onto problem two......

i took my boys sleigh riding yesterday, and my older son was getting cold and we sat in the car together with the heat on and just watched the other kids and his brother go sleigh riding.

out of the blue, he says "i wish i had a weapon"

i asked him "why?"

and he said "never mind....he didn't want to talk about it"

ok, what the heck does that mean? It was really weird. Did he want to kill his brother or the other kids for having fun?

I didn't press it, i asked him a couple of times of what he meant, and he refused to talk about what he said. I ended with "well, if you ever feel like getting a weapon to hurt someone or yourself, you need to talk to me first"

then he said
"well, I'm going out now..."

he took his sleigh and joined in with the other kids...like nothing had ever happened...

what do you guys make of it?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

family history

well, not sure if i posted this before but my son is doing the 'family history'...the whole ancestor thing.

We have been discussing this with him and he says "well, im adopted, so i dont have to do it."

so i said he can pick me to do the project or we can go on the internet and look at his 'surname' and find out where he comes from.

well, he wanted to do his 'surname'...which comes from england.

then he said his birthdad fought the british....(his bdad is about 24 now....lol)

anyway, part of me wonders why he didnt want me..

anyway, I hate these projects, i talked to the school when it first came out, but i guess they wont change the program.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

suspended again

my younger son got suspended from after school. He apprently used a racist remark in front of a bunch of kids.

we have addressed these remarks at home, but i think because he gets such a huge reaction from us, he feels powerful when he says it.

he learned alot of these words from his brother, and i have no idea on how to stop it.

there are times that i think if i just 'slap' him across the face, that would stop it all.....

we tried time outs, we tried taking away chips, we are not sure what to do anymore....

he will go back to afterschool tomorrow and he will have to write a letter to them to say he is sorry....not sure if that will do anything.

he doesnt even know what these words mean yet....to him they are all just curse words and doesnt understand why some 'curse words' are worse then others.

but we are stumped.......

the good news is that the kids will be starting a group with other kids with attachment issues. I cant wait to see to what the therapist is going to say about my two kids having them together.....lol.

there fine one on one...but put them together, and before you know it...all heck breaks out...so it will be fun....i think.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

when does this end?

Just an update since i haven't posted in a while. We got through the holidays, not unscathed, but got through them.

older son has had increase in his meds, and that seems to be what he needed. However, without the structure of his day on vacation, he barely held it together.

he even said "i cant wait till school starts again"...lol

on to my younger son. today is his birthday so i brought cup cakes and juice for his class....

when i went to pick him up from school, the after school director told me that during school he refused to share the cupcakes and juice...

so i get to take them home with him....

his arm is in a cast due to a fracture that he got from my older son, who was playing with him and didn't realize his own strenght...

i also got a note that he had a poor attitude today in school.

the thing that gets me, he was always so excited around his birthday, and now that he is home, he has been doing this 'baby talk'..(did i mention he is getting on my nerves)

id like to say "well, its his bday, and with adopted kids, it can bring up stuff"

but sometimes i wonder if that's just too easy for my kids...

so, i cant wait till its all over, I'm going out of my mind....

first was my older sons bday....at the bowling alley..that was crazy.

then Christmas, we had the family over for the holiday because we thought it would be easier to have them come to us...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

forgot about the heavy duty cleaning and cooking that one must do.....

then came my sons friends bday party, another loaded day for the boys.

then came New years eve brunch for the family, that we like fools agreed to host this year, so on with the cleaning and scrubbing and cooking.

now its my younger sons bday, so I'm home baking his cake and cooking dinner for a few family members.

then in TWO weeks, off to chuckie cheese we go for his bday party (he really wants it there)

and then I am DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too many parties, too many disruptions, doesn't make daddy a happy daddy, plus doesn't equal happy kids either....

sorry for the long post....but boy oh boy....I'm popped.

i was driving in my car today to pick up my son so i can bake his cake so i left early from work. On the way, i was listening to some music and Simon and Garfunkel came on....and i started to well up...

i was just getting so sad....

i think I'm starting to crash and my emotions are starting to catch up with me.

its time to put the Christmas decorations away, and i think I'm just gonna do a little at a time....the tree will be last, with all those pine needles everywhere.