Friday, October 31, 2003


does anyone know where i can get a list of good treatment programs in new england?

My 7 yr old son is in one now, and im not crazy about it (long story). I have been searching the internet and making phone calls, but it seems there are only like 2 of them.

Im sure there are more but i have no idea how i can get a list of these programs.

does anyone have any suggestions where i might go get one.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

this was not the plan

the social workers are tyring thier best to keep the brothers together, in our home.

this is our life, and we had no idea of these issues. when we went into adoption, we werent planning on this. These behaviors are apparently all new since his arrival with us.

again, its not up to the adoption agency, its up to us if we can parent the child.

I know the child is with us for reason. we discussed parenting this childeven if he needs to be in residential for a very lonig time, due to he is unstable to ever return to a normal family life, which we will do.

If they feel that he doesnt need residential, that he needs to be with his brother, and we cannot parent them both, we will give both children up.

IF we feel that it is better for the children to be seperated from each other in two different families, then we will do that.

basically, we are trying to figure out whats best for both children and for us. We can not go on the way we were going. when our son went for medical clearence before he was admitted yesterday, the psych that cleared him said that was one of the fastest evaluations he has ever done, the child needs residential.

as much as i knew this, that hurt me more then i can tell you. I wasnt prepared for a statment like that. But the fact is, it was the truth, i guess i never wanted to really believe that he was this ill. as im sure most parents feel.

even the child said he didnt want to live with his brother anymore, for whatever reason, but he also stated he wants his brother to leave and him stay.

clearly, living with his biobrother is too painful for him and bringing up his traumatic past. It is a very sad story, and i cant believe im part of it. We have to keep the childrens best interest up front.

so, yes, we will be honest with the social workers, if were not, we might not get the help that we need. No more secrets for this poor child, his foster mother did that and here we are. He needs help and I will keep yelling until he gets all the help he deserves.

thanks for the suggestion, but i think in our case, we need to be upfront on what is going on and figure out what is going to the best for my son.

they have a bed

well, yesterday we got the call about 3pm that they had a bed, but we had to go to the emergency room to get him medically cleared. We waited for hours, i started to get a little demanding because i was nervous that this child was going to go so late.

well, late it was, we didnt get him till the program until 11pm at night. We did our intake while ourson watched tv. He was so scared and frightened and didnt want to stay, he wanted to come home. It killed me.

i put him in his bed with 2 other roomates (which he was so happy about) while they were sleeping. He seemed ok, the only thing that i kept thinking wasthat he was going to wake up to strangers in his room that he never met.

I felt like driving over this morning to make sure he was alright, i called him on the phone and he said he was fine. But i just wanted to be sure, i decided not too go, just in case he needed to settle in and i wasnt sure what to do so i decided not too until i talked to one of the counselors.

Im sitting here at work and my mind is going crazy just wanting to go. Plus, my job is giving me a surprise Better late then never, write?

But i have to act surprised and I really dont know what imgoing to say. Im probably going to say everything is great and pretend to be so happy. I have no desire to go pretend at this show, my boss knows whats going on and one my co-workers who is also a freind of mine know, but no- one else, I figure the child has a write to his own privacy.

anyway, just venting again, and feeling awful. Even though we know its the best it sure doesnt feel write.

Monday, October 27, 2003

45 days

The thearpist said that to get him in a 45day tx, will at least give us sometime to heal and get things back in perspective, she also said she didnt think 45 days would help him too much but it is easier to get him in 45days and then longeterm vs just going for longterm.

she stated over and over again that he needs to go and for us to not feel guilty. She said the tests that i requested for him could take a long time due to waiting lists,at least while he is there, they can do all that.

I realize this is for the best, but it kills me. We have discussed this with each other and we come to the conclusion that things happen for reasons. maybe the reason he came to us, was for just this, to get this child services that his previous foster parents neglected to give him. (you know the story on that) who knows, but were trying our best to realize that this is the best thing. even in our hearts we know.

tx program

well, at this point were waiting for our 7 yr old to go into a 45 day tx program. It could happen today or tommorrow, just when the bed opens up.

I cant tell you the mixed feelings im having. His counselor stated to us not to feel guilty, that the child needs services that we cannot give him, and living in our house is just so hard for him. she said dont hesitate to call the ambulance over the weekend if we need to.

well, yesterday, while i was brushing the 5 yr olds teeth, the 7 yr old came in and said that he wanted to go first. of course i said after i finish, but he didnt like this answer.

he started screaming and yelling so i had to remove him from the bathroom and lock the door while i finished cleaning up the 5 yr old. Then he started banging and throwing things at the door. and of course he had a few swear words to say. I thought he was going to break the door down.

then i put the 5 yr old in his room to get dressed, (he was naked at the time due to me cleaning him cause he wets his bed) i know, too much

So I had to press my butt up at the bedroom door to keep the 7 yr old from coming in, again hes the banging at the door and the screaming, while im trying to dress the 5 yr old.

So there i am, im trying to dress the 5 yr old, i gotmy butt pressed up against his bedroom door to keep the seven yr old from coming in, i got the 7 yr old banging his fists and kicking the door in while screaming some fun words at me. Then i just had started laughing, thinking how riduculous this all is, that if my friends can see me

then it hit me that i had enough, i just couldnt last the day with this suff, so called the ambulance (thank god i learned to carry the phone with me due to emergencies that may happen throughout the day).

all this because i brushed the littleguys teeth first.

then the little guy started to cry and begged for me not to send him to the hospital again. so he started screaming.

at this point, the seven yr old started pleading not to go to the hospital. I decided to cancel the ambulance since it seemed that the scare of going to the hospital calmed him down a little, and i didnt want him to go the residentail program like this.

As i had the two boys togther, the 7 yr old kept blamming his younger brother why he got mad and he wanted him to go, while the 5 yr old kept saying he wanted the 7 yr old to stay.

i start thinking, here is your older brother yelling that he wants you to go, and all you are saying is that you want him to stay.

anyway, now we are concerned that the younger brother has regressed so much, we dont know if we can handle him. He has learned so much in the 5 months since his brother has come to us.

things like "shut up, dont talk to me, you cant tell me what to do, your an a--head, your a f--a---head" God he learned quick. Plus he learned to bang on doors too.

we have no limits at our house anymore, it seems they run the household. I am hoping that once the olderchild goes for his 45 day evaluation, that we can bring back the other guy but last night we thought that maybe this is a sign that the younger one is now showing his behaviors.

we are hoping that we can get him back, but were not sure.
God this is tough.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

fear are real

My 7 yr old is definitly petrified, he has nightmares at 10pm and 3pm. His fears are real. As for the 5 yr old, he is totally

But his screaming drives me through the roof. But i do have good news. I talked to the day care and asked if they can not have him nap in the afternoon. They agreed, I told them that he needs 10hrs of sleep at night, which he can do, but with no nap.

It seems he has been napping at preschool and then wide awake when he gets home, so the last few nights have been pretty good, I still get the yelling, but at least its only taking him 1/2 hour to get to sleep vs 3 hours to get to

as i put in my earlier posts about my 7 yr old, over the last week, he has been asking for "hug and KIss" vs "hug". He likes to kiss me on the cheek every morning. I cant believe it!!!

Im looking at progress not Anyway, slowly but surely he seems to be adjusting, his tantrums have quieted down since the admission to the hospital, and even though he still gets angry and threatens me, he seems to pull him self together, and after he goes through what he gets through, he wants me to hold him for a little while.

anyway, i just thought id give an update on whats been going on with him. I think these meds are helping him, he seems to be doing much better. Again, progress, not