more issues

more issues

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as most know, my older son is now in a group home, he is not ready to be put up for adoption due to his issues.

he does have attachment issues, but has attached to us.

since he has been in the group home, they had limited our visits due to confusion that he might have.

well, they finally admitted yesterday that maybe this was not the best idea they had.

he is starting to act out, starting to smear his feces all over the walls, starting to urinate in the cornor of his room. (all RAD behaviors if you ask me)

he has never done anything like that before.

they said to be honest, they never had a family still want to be involved in a childs life after a disruption due to the guilt they feel.

i feel guilty, but i still want to be in the childs life. this is the first time they came across this.

he told his therapist that the only place in his whole life that he felt safe was with us and he doesnt want a new family and doesnt feel safe at the group home and he just wants to come home. he says he misses us.


i am so pist....we had this all planned out in the hospital...he was assured that we will still be there for him and we werent going anywhere no matter what....

but this new social worker comes along from the new DSS office, and decides in two hours at a meeting, whats best for him

well....it back fired....and my son has now payed a huge price for this. all the work we did, has just been wasted. how can he ever trust or attach again to anyone. why should he? everyone leaves...

i said, i understand why they feel he might be confused, but he is confused now...he goes to group home and we disappear...thats confusing to him also...no explanation, no nothing, just, were here, were gone.

yes, i can see if he came home for 'visits' that might be confusing too. but isnt it a better confusing.....at least he knows that soemone else hasnt abandoned him.

i rather him be confused on something positive then something negative.

i am so sick of people who do not know my son decide what is best...i have psych, his old dss office, and other professionals that have written letters, but they wont budge.

they are damaging my child and his actions are proving it.

now wonder why these kids get so messed up, they keep yanking them away without any reasons and blame us for it.

in order for people to have healthy attachments, they have to be giving a chance to have a heatlhy attachment. this is not a diffulcult concept.....

my son did this with us, he let us in, he trusted us (as much as he could) and we did alot of attachement stuff with him.....

to be only erased in a two hour discussion by this social worker.

i am so angry!!!!!!

we have a meeting on 12/14 and if they dont play by my rules (since they admit they never done this before) then i will pull out the guns. im tired of playing nice nice with these people, i have been dong it for a while. and if they give me crap, i will get a lawyer, my son has a write to see his brother.

now they are saying they are not putting him up for adoption just yet do to his new issues....well how the heck did he get these new issues?......i wonder...

so here we have a child, that has no family, is not up for getting a new family, but he has people that truly love him and want to help him and be there for him, but arent allowed to see or talk too that often because this will hurt him.

i must be missing something.

im pist, can you tell.......and i will fight like crazy to get him to have a visit with us on christmas.

sorry for venting....but this is what ive been dealing with the last few days.

when do the people who know him the best have a right to say what they feel will be good for him.

im losing it

im losing it

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hi all,

i think im losing it over here....i seem to be having a harder time with my disruption of my son.....i thought it was suppose to get easier?....

my younger son is now looking at his brother pictures and says he really misses him and he wants him to come home.....he never even mentioned that much, but lately it seems to be really bothering him

my older son, is now having a real diffulcult time with getting a new family, he is always sad and says that he just wants to come home.

we both are just getting more depressed....

i know the holidays are coming and this is probably not helping maters much....but were sinking fast here.

i want him to come home!!!!!!!!!!!!

my younger son said to me last night "since 'N' cant come home, can I get another brother"...

i said "where will we get another brother from?"

and he said

"from a family that doesnt want them anymore"

i nearly died....does he think that his birth family just didnt want him anymore?

i said "well your birth family wanted you, they just couldnt take care of you, and we love you so much and we were able to take care of you and thats why you are with us now."

i know he truly loves us, and thats not the problem, but my problem is that he thinks that his birth family just didnt want him.

plus his foster mom, gave her 10day notice when she had him, before we got him, because she couldnt take care of him anymore, (hes not an easy child) and as wonderful as she was, im sure her 'burnt out' issues had to show...and wonder what he thought about that?

i dont know...maybe im thinking too hard........

just seems to be harder to deal with this...

are you ready to adopt a special needs child?

are you ready to adopt a special needs child?

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i wrote this for another thread, and i thought id give it special attention...more for the fun than anything else.

this is not to be taken too seriously, but not something to just ignore either.

we will call it 'questionaire for new parents looking into adopting special needs'

the reason for this thread, is that maybe we can all put down our own 'are you ready' questions.

weve all been there, and we have all ran into situations with our kids where we sat back and scratched our heads and said
"huh?"

it might be fun, we all have our own experience. It could be funny, or could be serious.....just those questions that you wish you might of been asked before your child came too you.

ok, my questionare are about serious issues, they are geared to children with RAD or ODD.....

we can keep it as lite and funny too (crick88, you better write something)

we all know birth and adoptive kids bring different things to the family...adoptive kids can bring some 'odd' things that we werent either prepared for, or understood, or even heard about.

so lets get those 'are you ready' questions out there....it could turn out to be real funny.

use your own real life situations...lets see what people come up

here we go:

questionaire for new parents interested in adopting special needs kids...


1. are you ready to be cursed out and or physically hit constantly by your child?

2. are you ready to clean up all the broken glass and then replacing all your windows with pexiglass, because your child loves the sound of broken glass?

3. are you ready to take anything that is important to you or valuable and seal them in a box and stick them in the attic till your child moves out, because they just wont be safe while your child is living there ?

4. are you ready to do away with the cozy warm feeling you get on christmas eve, when you look at your fire place...cant take the chance of having a fire in the house you know, oh, that goes for candles to?

5. are you ready to give up holidays with some family members because your child just cant handle the holidays plus you dont want to ruin your familys holiday, because you know already what your child can do with a nice piece of china?

6. are you ready to 'not bother going' on parent teacher conference meetings at school, because you already have been at the school three times that week, so whats the point in going?

7. are you ready to be assaulted and learn the proper way to restrain your child while they are kicking, biting and hitting you?

8. are you ready to get the phone calls daily to pick up your child from school due to behavior problems only to have to deal with them at home and this was suppose to be your time to just sit and breath, oh well, theres always tomorrow, how many times do you say that to yourself "always tomorrow", does tomorrow actually come?

9. are you ready to call an ambulance or police on your child because he/she needs to go to the hospital, yet again?

10. are you ready to not go on family vacations because your child isnt ready and may never be?

11. are you ready to be emabarressed everytime you bring your child out in public, because we all know our kids are masters of embarrising us?

12. are you ready to admit that you cant parent this child and you need professional help and find out that really no one knows how to treat your child?

13. are you ready to pay your childrens therapist losts of money, only to find out your educating them more on what your child needs?

14. are you ready to lose sleep, because you have to stay up everynight on the internet trying to figure out what medications do what and you cant do that while the child is awake because your either restraining them or waiting for them to explode, because after all, thats what they do?

15. are you ready to get to know the police on a first name basis?

16. are you ready to get the looks from others because they cant understand why your child acts that way, and it must be your fault?

17. are you ready for when your family pet gets killed and you find out your child has no remorse over it?

18. are you ready to put locks on all your doors, alarm system on your childs door so you know when she gets up at night so you can make sure she is safe and all those around her safe?

19. are you ready to drag her screaming to every possible test in the world that you can see that maybe the problem is organic, because there has to be another reason she acts this way?

20. are you ready to do all your housework at night when your child is asleep....laundry, dishes, etc but your so tired from the day, but it has to get done?

21. are you ready to watch your babysitter leave in tears, yet again, and say "oh well, we lost another one" and know it will take you months to find another one.

22. are you ready for your child to yell "I hate you" over and over again, but you know you didnt adopt this child so you can get love back, it was too help this child, because we all know, that they may never love you, but you knew that going into this, but sometimes the words hurt?

23. are you ready to give up alot of your friends, because they cant understand why this child takes so much of your time?

24. are you ready to sit with other parents and feel so isolated because this is not your life and you sometimes you wish it was?

25. are you ready to have your house turn into a war zone and you are detemined to win, even when you know you might not, but you wont give in, even if it takes many years?


and now the bonus question: this is the hardest part of all of this...hope you get it write.


26. are you ready to look in your childs eyes and say good bye to them, as you live them in a residential program because you know they needed more help then you could give them and then look at their empty room at night?


congratualaitons!!!!!!! if you answered yes to these questions , then you are ready to be a parent with special needs.....

photo!

photo!!!!!

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it hit me like a ton of bricks. they wanted me to drop off my sons health ins card and an updated photo.

why the photo? i asked

they said, they are putting him up for adoption track as soon as he gets to his new program today (the one we wanted)

i mean, i want him to have a new family, get on with his life, but i guess the photo just hit me hard. like this is really happening, i dont want to see him on some computer photo listing.....i am having so many feelings around this

we were also not invited to his intake at the new place because the new place said we are not his 'parents'

i guess thats the first time i heard that. just stab me in my heart. Even though i know this, i just had a hard time hearing it....i said we are the closest thing to his parents that he knows, so until he says we are not his parents, then we are....(i was nice about it)

everything all at once.....his therapist at the hospital felt it was important for us go (i do too) because we are the only family he knows...but they were clear that he needs to settle in without us.

i said when i go through major changes, i like people i know around me too support me, why cant a 8 yr old have the same kind of support.

i told them, that i told him, that he will never have to do anything alone, that i will always be there for him....i guess i lied to him, yet again.......

they disagreed with me.....im hoping they will at least let me see him tonight.

i dont know....i knew this was happening, but i guess its REALLY happening....

just feeling sad today.

plus, my little guy doing this all by himself breaks my heart.....

im clueless

im clueless

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hi all,

i need advice and i am truly at a stand still.

my younger son has been acting out alot at school...we have a meeting today to discuss his IEP and his acting out.

as most know, our older son, his bio sib has been disrupted due to behaviors but we are still in his life, in all accounts, still his family.

the whole family visits our older son each sunday for dinner.

heres what i am torn about...i realize that there is sibling regression after visits...

but could his acting out be because of these visits?...should i put the visits on hold for a little while? should i bring him maybe every other week vs every week?

when i tell him "today were going to visit 'N', he say she doesnt want to go, the drive is too long....

but im wondering if there is something else going on with him.

his therapist wants to wait a few more weeks and see how it goes, but i really dont think they are going to be many changes in his behavior.

i really am at a stand still...he knows his brother isnt coming back, but im not sure if these visits are confusing him. we have talked to him, but the regression, especially on mondays, after the sunday visit, are getting more and more diffulcult.

i had chalked it up as just being a monday, but now im wondering....

any ideas or suggestions...

hitting and kicking

hitting and kicking

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hi all,

well, my 6 yr old child is having some problems at school. It has been reported that he has been hitting and kicking other kids for no apparent reason.

october is tough for him anyway, he was removed from birth mom on holloween and his birth mom tried to scare them with witches, owls, and the devil. So there are alot of those hanging up for holloween.

this is no excuse, but i have no idea on how to stop it. I understand that this time of year is hard for him, and i do have empathy.....but its still no excuse.

today he wouldnt go on the bus, he says he hates school but doesnt know why.

also, he gets mad at me when i pick him up early from school, because he says i pick him up to early and he wants to stay at school and have fun.

so i know he DOES like it, he just gets in the moods.

the principle wants a meeting on wednesday to discuss this and i have no idea what to do.

i talked to his pscyh and she said for us to give him the clonidine during the day as well as at night.

so i gave him the clonidine on saturday, 1/4 of it,(very small dose) and he was so zombied out that it was hard to watch. He wasnt talking, just going through the day.

yes, he is more calmer, but hes so lathargic that i dont want to put him on it so i didnt give it to him on sunday or today.

anyway, i threw alot out there.

how do prevent the hitting and kicking other kids? He is a little hyper and he doesnt think before he acts.

basically, if we get a report from school, then his bike goes in time out for the day....(he loves his bike).

but it doesnt seem to be working.

he doesnt do it everyday, maybe 2-3 times a week.

i know some out there had these issues before, how do you stop it.

yea!!!!!!

yea!!!!

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well, good news and bad...they are seeing my sons issues, as most know...and they finally are getting a 'rogers' ready for court for him so he can go on a anti-psycotic.

they stated what we had been saying for 2 yrs now, that when he gets in that state, there is nothing that can be done about it...

they are lookng into scizophrenia also, becuase he says he does hear things and sees things....we knew this, but everyone said that its due to truama....

they said clearly he has PTSD and a language processing issues, but they are looking into other things due to how responds to certain things.

they called it 'psychotic states'....they feel that he goes into these psychotic states but they are not clear on what causes it due to his age.

the doctor did give him zyprexia once due to they just couldnt control him....and it seemed to calm him down, but they are not saying it was the zyprexia, but they are not discounting it either.

anyway, im glad they are finally listening to us, and understanding that his behaviors are just not normal...

the fact that he is only 8, leaves them unable to dx, but they are now willing to try things.

its been a long hard road for this child...im hoping they can help him so he can have some sort of peace from the demons in his head...

now my new fight....they may place my son in the group home that he was in when he was with us...i promised him that he wouldnt have to go to that place again....thats when he was living with us...

it all falls on DSS now....its an awful place...even santa didnt come at the christmas party.....he was suppose too...but didnt make it....too bad kiddies...maybe next year...

dont get me started on that....

and how many times does the staff yell at these kids...every time ive been there...i cant imagine whats it like if a parent isnt there......

they found a good place for him, which is closer to our house...but the list is long...so they will have to see...they feel that his old group home knows him and that will be good....

which i know it wont be good...

after my son had breakdowns...or should i say 'psycotic states'...he begged me not to bring him too that group home

im going to call his GAL and see if she/he will listen to us.......he just cant go back there!!!!!! it will be the worst thing for him.

anyway...theres the good and the bad.....the struggles continues...