Tuesday, January 6, 2004

IQ testing

my childs IQ was tested and he came out at 84, not the brightest, so we gave up on him going to yale or harvard....lol.

we were hoping he might find a trade, he likes building, just like his birth father who is a roofer.

the thing is, i think i am suffereing from sort of PTSD....lol.

everytime he raises his voice, my body shuts down, like im reliving the last 6 months all over again. i wonder if parents can have PTSD from their kids.....lol

Since being removed, he has not lashed out at all and hasnt thrown things. but in the RTC he has. they told me they needed to restrain him a few times, which we never really had to do, sometimes i just held him loosely until he calmed down for fear of dangering himself.

I hear loud and clear that we should not adopt him, we arent even at that place weather we should adopt him or not.

we are wondering if we can still take him home eventually and see what happens. this poor kid is trying so hard because his reward thus far is for him to move in back with us, where before he didnt think that would happen, so he is trying to get better. the RTC told us he has made great progress but is really pushing for a very slow transition.

i guess to put a NO at the end of this is just so hard. I dont know how i will adjust to not have this little guy in our lives.

its funny, when we got into this adoption thing, we have never planned our lives to be like this, we knew there would be issues, but never did we think it would be like this. We thought we would get the normal testing and then in about 1-2 yrs they will feel safe and we can move on and be a loving family. uh-uh, this isnt going to happen. sometimes i get so angry that we decided to adopt and how our lives are so consumed with sadness and tragedy and anger.

you are right, love is not enough. I have read alot of books and some of the ones you suggeted, the love and logic one i have read. None of them seem to work.

i am trying to reparent my younger one again and trying to get the structure back for him. He is out of control and responds to no limits now, worse then ever before. He just sticks his toungue at me. Its like all a joke to him, because now he figured out that i dont hit or yell.

tobe honest, once or twice i have lost it and yelled, and for some reason that works for him, but i hate yelling, i usually just walk away when he gets me going. He seems to want to control over everything also.

We also discussed maybe not legalizing him also because his behaviors are getting worse and has picked up a few ideas from his brother, like smahing the door when he is put in time out in his room. He wont stay in his room and laughs at me and sticks his toungue out at me that i now have to littlerally stand outside his bedroom door holding it shut, thats when the banging starts.

Most of the time i show him no emotion and just tell him what im going to do when he is doing something which i told him to stop and stay consistant on what i tell him.

Its just getting tougher and tougher and we both keep wodering as our little one gets older will he be just as sick as his brother.

what ever happened to our dream?

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