is it me?

is it me?

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ok...im pissed again......my son had his class pictures yesterday.....you know the ones im talking about.

well, we put his check in the little envelope, they need it on the day of pictures, and when he came home, the check was still in the back pack.

i went to parent-teacher conference last night and asked why my son had come home with the check...i thought they needed it for the day of pictures.

she said "they do, i checked all the kids backpacks but couldnt find my sons"

she said "i will call and see if there is anything we can do"

at first i wanted to yell.....because not only was the check in his backpack...i had a big thick envelope addressed to the nurse with his medical stuff in it...there is no way she could of missed that envelope....that was still in his backpack too when he got home.

i think she just forgot to look in my sons backpack.

so, hopefully they can do something......i dont want to see his face on the day all the kids get their pictures and my son is sitting there not getting his......

could we just getta a break here....

maybe its me...maybe im expecting too much....do others have these constant 'mistakes'.......and im just over sensitive....or are these things just happening to us and my kids....

i need a break...

lawyers

lawyers

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hi all,

ill try to make this quick....as most of you know, we are preadoptive parents of two boys.

they have been with us for over 2 yrs....we decided due to our older sons issues, that we werent going to legalize like most within the six month trial period.

we wanted to make sure he was getting all the services that he needed.

they have been pushing (not to hard) for us to legalize our younger son but we wanted to hold off on him too because i cant imagine how our older son would of reacted had we only adopted his brother and not him...

well, as you know, due to our older sons issues, we had too disrupt the adoption and we are full swing ahead on legalizing our younger one now.

i got a call from our childrens social worker who said that she went to court and talked to our kids lawyer.

he stated that he wants to meet the kids and see what we are like....she told me that she has no idea why he wants to do this and she is just giving us a heads up that he might be calling.

do i need to be concerned with this? has this ever happened to anyone?

i know he will see a loving family so im not concerned with that....i think...but she doesnt know and of course we dont know, why he wants to see us.

has this ever happened to anyone? just freaking out over here.

birth mother

birth mom

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hi all,

i am acutally wondering what to do....

I just found out where my childrens birth mom lives...we have never met her, i do have an old picture of her, but thats it.

she lives about 1 1/2 hours away.......

well, i guess you figured out where my mind is going.

i want to drive down to see what she looks like in person...not to talk, or even be noticed...just kinda get a glimpse then be on my way.

basically i want to see what my childrens birth mom looks like....

i even printed out the directions on map quest....

i feel like a stalker, but i just want a glimps, she is my kids birthmom....

do i sound like a whaco?......what would other do?....

ive always been curious but never had an address and never tried to track her down or anything...but now i have an address and my curiosity is getting worse.

has anyone felt like this?....has anyone did this?....after seeing it written down, it sounds like im deranged....but i just want a glimpse.

todays the day

todays the day

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i just got a message last night to tell me that they are telling my son that he wont be returning home.

i just want to hold him when they give him the news, but i cant.

its killing me.....didnt sleep at all last night thinking about it...i hope they know what they are doing....I just felt like calling them and saying...."please..your making a terrible mistake, put him on the risperdol and let him come home in case it works...." but they wont..they made up their minds...this stinks!!!!!

yesterday i brought my younger son to his orientation of kindgerten...he was so nervous....

of course when we got there...all the chairs and tables were taking where the kids are making a drawing....so we had to go to the back of the room, where a table was without the crayons and paper and sit and wait......i felt like such an outsider.

the teacher was going around taking pictures of the kids, individual to put up on the board...but my son didnt want his picture taken....he had his shy face on...

then as the time went on...i got him coloring and trying to get him involved....we stayed while other parents and their kids left....i just wanted him to feel comfortable..and i thought that with less people in the room, he could take it all in...

then, he finally agreed to get his picture taken..so we went up to the teacher and I said that he is ready to take his picture now...

I wasnt pushing the picture on him, i just didnt want him left out...(my issue probably.)

when she took the picture....she said "oppppssss,,,out of film..sorry...can you bring in a picture of him tomorrow...."

i was so angry...how can you run out of film...so today...guess what?...my son stands out again...all the kids have a picture of themselves from an automatic camera on their first day of school and my son has a regular picture of him, surronded by pumpkins in a pumpkin patch from last october......

i feel my kids just cant get a break....i know it seems like a little thing, as im sure his teacher thought it was no big deal...im sure my son didnt even give it a second thought.....

why do i feel so lousey inside when it comes to my kids...why cant we just have a day like every other family?

why cant my kids just get a break...

im obviously a little sensitive today....

anyway, just thought id vent...

how do you deal

how do you deal?

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how does anyone deal with the loss of a child that you loved and cared for and did everything possible to have a childhood that he missed out on and then come to realize that he might never have one?

how do you deal with every morning going in his room and feeding his little goldfish...the fish that he loved so much?

HOw do you deal with looking at his art work that says 'to daddy, i love you'

how do you deal with looking at all the broken toys in his rooms and wonder which ones should you pack for him?

how do you deal with looking at all the pictures of the two kids together around your house?

how do you deal with looking at his spiderman collection because he loved to dress up as spideman and jump and run all around the house..which at times you hated that costum but now you realized how wonderful it was to see him run and jump like every other kid?

HOw do you deal with looking at his bicylcle outside and he is not riding it?

HOw do you deal with looking at his empty bed?

HOw do you deal with the phone calls and he says "i love you daddy...when am i coming home?"

how do you deal with the 'what ifs'? God i have a million of them

sorry, just feeling real sad today...DSS and the hospital are discussing placement for him....the hospital says 'group home' DSS says 'theraputic foster home'

we say 'theraputic foster home' because i dont want him institutionalized and alot of other reasons which i wont go into now...but its not up to us anymore....

i am so full of emotions right now from anger to sadness.....im still in some sort of denial, i know. it hasnt fully set in....

life is just not fair....its not fair that an adorable sweet 8 yr old boy, has to be in this much pain.

its not fair that he has to leave our family, the family that he came to believe was his 'forever family'....

how can people deal with this kind of pain?

sorry, just venting....just feeling very sad today....ive been avoiding this forum lately, kinda just lurking around, because i feel like i have nothing left to say.....

adoption is just plan sad...sadness where ever you look, there are just too many losses for these children.

can they ever heal?....

sad day

sad day

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well, i talked to DSS about their meeting and they feel that even with the risperdol that our history with our son wont change much.

their concern is that we have had such a hard time that even if he does repsond to the meds, that it wont be enough for us to feel like we can handle it.

they said that if we do take him back and the risperdol doesnt work, then the child will look at this as yet another failure (meaning, if we have to bring him back to the hospital)

i said that moving him on he will see it as a failure anyway and i feel that he will take this as more of a failure.

to make a long story short, they basically feel that the child should not live in our home with his brother.

because what 'IF' he is truama reactive then it just isnt fair for the boys to be together.

anyway, just want to bring you up to date.....we will act 'as if' while we visit our son.

i cant imagine how these two boys are going to take it.

my little one, is talking more then he has in a long time, but now im afraid he is regressing some...he keeps talking baby talk...i thought we went through that phase already...but what the heck....plus he is doing things to get our attention all the time.....making wrong choices to test us....

anyway, thanks for the ongoing support, i just hope they know what is best for my son, because at this point, i dont....

advice please: risperdol

advise please re: risperdol

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again thanks everyone for all the support, but now im real angry.......

we went to the meeting yesterday regarding my older son. as we been discussing when and how to tell him about the disruption we started to talk about his treatment.

since we had him, after every hospital and RTC they discharge him and tell us that we need to look too put him on risperdol.

i have always advocated for them to try it when he has been admitted, but they are reluctant to do it, but say we should try this.

so here we are at this meeting, and after all is said and done, they said they are going to ween him some of his meds and put him on risperdol.

i got so angry!!!!!.......i actually blew up.....I asked what risperdol actually does and she said "kids with PTSD and explosive behaviors, the risperdol helps them to process the information better before exploding....."

example...as it is now "can you please put your helmet on if your riding your bike"

"NOOOO, you cant tell me what to do!!!!!"

"then you cant ride your bike...."

FULL blown anger tantrum....

apparently with risperdol......

"can you please put your helmet on if your riding your bike"

"NO"

"you need to put your helmet on so you can be safe"

then at this point he might be able to understand what i am saying to him, becuase his brain will be slowed down...

(hope im making sence)

anyway....i said..."so here we are, removing him from our house, due to his explosive behaviors, and your telling me that your going to give him a drug that MIGHT help him with his explosive behaviors....isnt that what we have been asking all along"

they kept saying that it MIGHT help him, there is no guarentee...i kept saying..."well, if it might help him, then can we see first what it does so he doesnt have to be removed"

they said they dont think that could happen due to our history with him....

i understand what they are saying, i understand alot..but i dont see why we cant put off telling him for a while until we see if the risperdol works at all. only because this child does view us as his forever family (i told him that enough)

sorry for venting...we went to this meeting to come up with a plan for him because our decision is too disrupt and how this will all look...and then they tell us that they are going to put him on this medication that i have been advocating for since we had him which MIGHT help him slow his brain down so he can process the information that we are giving him.

so, heres my question...has anyone seen a major change in some of these kids on risperdol?

has risperdol really helped? i do feel my child might be bipolar, his birth mother was.

DSS said that they dont know if we can do it..they said he might look really good but still not be able to live in our family, which is fine...but should we just give this one more shot...

or am i setting us all too fail again, or am i living in a fantasy with the hope that this drug will help curve his anger enough to live with us...

please respond, i really need some advise here, they need to know.....

i want to look at everything....