setting limits

setting limits

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ok....i have no idea on what to do..i followed every suggestion... but what if a child is just incapable of understanding...

what if the child might be bordeline mentally retarded...(which sometimes i wonder about my older son.)

he loves to please, but then there are the times that he just cant handle any limit set on him..

this weekend was tough and i am feeling so guilty. i really blew it but i got just so freaking tired of it.

i was getting dinner ready and i told them 5 mintues to clean up the toys in the yard and then dinner....

they said "ok"

so i had them repeat just what i said then i added if the toys arent cleaned, you know what happens to the toys...(the toys i pick up, i put in the basement and thats the end of them....the boys never like to clean their toys, so one of the things i want to do is limit their toys anyway, so this method acutally helps me solve two prolbems)

anyway, they repeated what i said

"3 min.

"2 min

"1 min

"ok, time to come in

"no daddy, we want to play, we are not hungry...."

"you need to come in!!!!"

i was so tired at this point due to the whole day with this crap..that i just went outside and picked them both up and put them in their rooms

they were screaming...i went outside and picked up their bikes, sleds, all their toys and threw them in the basement....

then iwent inside and they were trying to climb out the window to run away....

so i told them "you dont need to climb out the window, get out of the house, if you dont want to live here, then just go..."

so i escorted them both out....(i was so full of rage...) then i threw thier shoes out on the porch.....closed the door.

the younger one thought this was fun...but as time went on..the older one started to play again outside...

of course i got even more angry, because now, they were both playing outside.

then the older one came knocking and said he was sorry and wanted a hug...i said "no, not until we talk about what our expectations were and if you could not follow rules in our house then we can find antoher family where you can follow their rules better."

so he came in and we talked....

then the little one....he refused to have a family meeting

he kept saying "no"...

so i said, well, i can pack some clothes for you then.....

he said "no" but refused to come in and talk about it...

so i gave him his sneakers and closed the door.\

he then started walking down the street with his sneakers in h hand...

i got nervous so i followed him a ways so i would be out of sight..he got to the corner and just stood there....

meanwhile, the older son was screaming for him to come back...begging him to come back.....crying hysterical....

yelling at me to go get him because someone is going to steal him....

i finally came to my sences and realized that this was going on much to long and went to him and talked then carried him on my shoulders and brought him home

they both promised to listen (it isnt never going to happen, the proof of that was this morning)...

anyway, i feel so guilty, i just snapped and know i feel i just retraumitized them.

when do you admit that maybe you just cant parent kids with abused backgrounds....

somtimes i wonder if im just causing them more trauma and they will never heal.

both boys love us, and we love them....but how do you figure out that maybe both children would be better off with other parents that can deal with PTSD issues.

these kids just put us at the edge...

then comes to the setting limits..what if your child is just incapable of any limits...intelectually i mean..what if your child has no concept of it....

i have followed so many suggestions...i have even give them cold meals because they wouldnt come to dinner, i have even put them in luke warm water for their baths because they didnt come in time when the bath was hot...

i really dont know what else to do...they cant do chores...the older cant even get dress by himself...hes 8 yrs old....the only chore he has is to bring the dish to the sink after dinner...

nothng seems automatic with him..i have to tell him what to do exactly all the time....

anyway, im pooped, how do you set limits on certain kids when you look at them and wonder if they are just incapable of it due to their capabitilities....

oh,please dont make me feel guilty about what i did yesterday, i already do..i know it was wrong, but in the heat of anger, i just couldnt contain myself..