what a morning.

what a morning!

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well, my older son was in full rage this morning, to the point where he ended up hyperventiling.

I must admit, that this morning i ran out of patience and i raised my voice to him....but My god, he just wouldnt stop.

he couldnt find his sneakers and thats what started it, he ran around the house yelling at everyone that they stole them and they we were all being mean...

he started to rant and rave and told me to help him find them, and i said when you can ask me nicely....

well, that just started the ball rolling of how horrible i am, the slamming of the walls, you know the drill...

this kept up...then my younger son says "daddy, you need to help him, he is getting real angry..."

which i saw that fear in my little ones face, which kills every time....

then he said "ill help you...." he was just trying to get my son to calm down.

then i thought, 'gee, i have this little kid trying to calm him down, and daddy just want to get away from him'

well, finally, i said 'did you leave them in my car"

and he said yes and he put them on.

here is where i mess up...he had wet his pants the last two days (something very new for him, but i blammed on him being anxious at school)

i said to him...you have to take a shower this morning..and he said, "no, im riding my bike"

well, he was NOT riding his bike, he was taking a shower.

so in his room he goes, and he is slamming the walls, the whole nine yards again.....

he kept saying he cant wait to move out of here, he wants to go back to the RTC, doesnt want to live iwth us...

then finally my younger sons bus pulled up, and well, guess who missed the bus because i couldnt leave my older son.....


so then i was fuming, i coiuld feel it in me...

and he yelled, "you dont love me!!!!! i want to go back to RTC"

and then i yelled back.."fine, ill help you pack!!"

he then started stickin the middle finger up at me, yelling obsentities, how much he hatees me...the whole nine yards..

he finally started to hyperventilat...i calmed him down, then in the shower he went....still not happy...

he finally calmed down....but he remembers all this crap...

i blew this morning....

i made brownies last night, his favoirte, so on my way to work i stopped at school, and dropped off a brownie for him at the office so he has it for lunch...

but, im not a morning person...

here is my question though........because this happens alot.

when he loses something (which is most of the time) he gets so frustrated, by the time he asks for help, he has already blammed me or someone else for stealing it....

and his asking for help is more out of frustration and it sounds like this...."you need to help me find it?" in an angry tone....

what do i do? the "when you can ask me nice, id be more then happy to help you?" doesnt seem to work. just makes him more angry.

do i just keep doing it and stick to my guns and keep repeating it?....

do i just say "say please" then when he does, help him.

i have no idea, im at a lost....if the goal for him is to not reach that boiling point, i would help him, but it doesnt feel comfortable for me to help me.

any thoughts out there....

any love and logic ideas?....i need some guidance