this cant be happening

this cant be happening!!!!!!!!!!!!

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well, im starting to freak a little,

i picked up my older son from after school, and he had a big smile on his face and he said he had a good time. (he didnt have that anxiety face that i remember he usually had when i picked him up)

and i thought 'tthank god' first day of after school, and he is smiling

well, the minute he got in the car...blow out...

then it was time for homework....he asked for me to help, and so i said 'sure,' and sat down...

when i picked up the paper he started yelling at me and calling me...well, you know, those choice words.

i know he wasnt frustrated over the homework, because he didnt even look at it before going into a meltdown.

i told him "well, when you calm down, or when you say you are ready, i would be more then happy to start this over"

of course he yelled "he was ready" but he was far from ready.

not sure how to handle these blowouts, im ****ed if i do and ****ed if i dont (wonder if that wil be bleeped out... )

he did end up doing it after work with no problems. He did admit to me that he doest know whats going on in his class, which i believe. I wrote a note to his teacher telling her that it is a concern for him.

he usually has no problems with the homework, because he is petrified if he didnt do it, he would get in trouble.

so when i refused to help him, well, lets just say it didnt go over well.

any ideas....

oh, in case who dont know history...heres a little

this is my older sons first year after being in a RTC for 2 yrs, in a 'regular school' but he is in the 'special class'

he started last week and has gotten tons of praise from the teacher, not problems at all.

he started his after school yestereday for tthe first time, though he does like it, not sure if the day is too long....
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what a morning.

what a morning!

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well, my older son was in full rage this morning, to the point where he ended up hyperventiling.

I must admit, that this morning i ran out of patience and i raised my voice to him....but My god, he just wouldnt stop.

he couldnt find his sneakers and thats what started it, he ran around the house yelling at everyone that they stole them and they we were all being mean...

he started to rant and rave and told me to help him find them, and i said when you can ask me nicely....

well, that just started the ball rolling of how horrible i am, the slamming of the walls, you know the drill...

this kept up...then my younger son says "daddy, you need to help him, he is getting real angry..."

which i saw that fear in my little ones face, which kills every time....

then he said "ill help you...." he was just trying to get my son to calm down.

then i thought, 'gee, i have this little kid trying to calm him down, and daddy just want to get away from him'

well, finally, i said 'did you leave them in my car"

and he said yes and he put them on.

here is where i mess up...he had wet his pants the last two days (something very new for him, but i blammed on him being anxious at school)

i said to him...you have to take a shower this morning..and he said, "no, im riding my bike"

well, he was NOT riding his bike, he was taking a shower.

so in his room he goes, and he is slamming the walls, the whole nine yards again.....

he kept saying he cant wait to move out of here, he wants to go back to the RTC, doesnt want to live iwth us...

then finally my younger sons bus pulled up, and well, guess who missed the bus because i couldnt leave my older son.....


so then i was fuming, i coiuld feel it in me...

and he yelled, "you dont love me!!!!! i want to go back to RTC"

and then i yelled back.."fine, ill help you pack!!"

he then started stickin the middle finger up at me, yelling obsentities, how much he hatees me...the whole nine yards..

he finally started to hyperventilat...i calmed him down, then in the shower he went....still not happy...

he finally calmed down....but he remembers all this crap...

i blew this morning....

i made brownies last night, his favoirte, so on my way to work i stopped at school, and dropped off a brownie for him at the office so he has it for lunch...

but, im not a morning person...

here is my question though........because this happens alot.

when he loses something (which is most of the time) he gets so frustrated, by the time he asks for help, he has already blammed me or someone else for stealing it....

and his asking for help is more out of frustration and it sounds like this...."you need to help me find it?" in an angry tone....

what do i do? the "when you can ask me nice, id be more then happy to help you?" doesnt seem to work. just makes him more angry.

do i just keep doing it and stick to my guns and keep repeating it?....

do i just say "say please" then when he does, help him.

i have no idea, im at a lost....if the goal for him is to not reach that boiling point, i would help him, but it doesnt feel comfortable for me to help me.

any thoughts out there....

any love and logic ideas?....i need some guidance

I'm your worst nightmare

i'm your worst nightmare.

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ok, took the family to the drivin theatre for the first time last night.

both boys have come home with excellent reports from school, and i told them if they did go, we would go.

i forget to mention in home too....so i was out of luck...that wasnt in the deal....lol..

so off we go....blankets, pillows, stuffed animals that they had to bring..

well, it was fine except...

my kids, well, they were excited and had trouble sitting, so they kept going from outside on the lawn chairs to inside of the car and back again.

however, everytime they opened the door...the alarm would go off as would the lights start flashing.

needless to say, we didnt make to many friends at the drive in....

so if you went to the drivin last night, and there was this car who's alarm kept going off, whose lights kept going on and off...

well, it was us and im sorry, but my kids were just darn excited....

but we will go back, because it was fun..except i think we will have to park in the last row...

not sure what we were thinking.....but you live, you learn...

tonight we have our respite worker coming, and were going to go see kathy griffith the comedian. shes a hoot...

and its a break for us..........
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school issue

school issue

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hi all,

ok, here is an issue that i have.

my older son, who is doing just great, continues to go to the 'special' school that goes with the RTC that he was in.

there are only about 7 kids in his class with two aids.

anyway, he is having a hard time in school, with running out of the class, and yellling and screamng.

at home, we have none of that...well, most of the time..

i was wondering if it would be appropriate for me to go to school with him and sit with him and see what the problem is.

i know my son gets reall frustrated with things, so im thinking that maybe i can help him

the other day i gave him a book, and he was so proud to read me it....no prompts from me.(but i knew he could read it because it a very easy book to read.)

anyway,, has anyone ever done that, or would the teacher be offended if i did that.

i dont want to make any waves.

then the other part of me is saying, well, at least its not home he is doing this, so maybe i just be quiet...

whos a proud daddy?

whos a proud daddy?

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hi all,

just a quick update.....i went to see my younger son in the school sing a long.

I was just so proud of him being on stage.....i love that crap...

then, when it was all over, i ran up to hiim and he loved to see me there, but when i went to give him a hug he pushed me away......

i know i know.... but i cant still be sad..

but i was just so proud of him....

as for my health....had my MRI on monday....talk about freeaking out....have you ever had one of those.....

i had to tell the guy halfway through to take me out because i had a scratch....UGGGHHHH!!!!!!

hope i never have to do that again ....im way to 'hyper' for something like that. I had to be in there for 40 min.

regressing, it cant be....

HI all,

well, i havnt really been on all that much, things were going so well for a while, and then....boom,,

my older guy who is still in a RTC, has become very demanding lately. Yes, he is better then before he went into the RTC, but it seems the meds arent working like they use to.

This morning was real tough, he wanted to go to the RTC NOW so he can play with his gameboy.

I told him that will be fine but i have to take a shower, and then he started yelling that he wants to go now before school starts.

I told him that he could play with his gameboy here and he got mad and said he wants to play with it there.

Like usual, i started to reason with him.... ...like that was going to work (high hopes i guess)

now my younger son, since friday night, has been off his rocker....he spent alot of time out this weekend over stupid things. Just real attention seeking stuff....so i tried spending more time with him, but that didnt seem to work..

when i picked him up from school on friday, he said that his friend had parents that looked cool, and we dont, and he liikes his friends parents.

ok, his friends parents are kinda young, and well, they dress like, well, how should i put this....hmmmm...clothes that some woman should not wear..(think spandex in the cookie alley in the supermarket) and a grown man who wears his baseball cap on backwards.....(im sure you can vision this, or least now what i am talking about)

well, i blew it because i was getting angry in the car and i said to him "would you rather live with them?"

of course he got mad and said he doesnt want to talk about it, i told him i am sorry..but since then, he has just been off his rocker. I dont think it was what i said, because he was a little odd when i picked him up and then became a little odd when he was talking about his friends parents.

anyway, here is my question....with my older son, during his meltdown about wanting to play his gameboy at the RTC, i asked him if he rather give up some sleepovers on school nights so he can wake up in the RTC so he can play his gameboy....

he said "Yes"

so im wondering if i should let him keep to his word, (he did say it when he was in his 'weird place'...but i got to tell you, his disrespect and demands are really starting to get to me...maybe we just need a break for a week and not do our sleepover on wednesday.

or maybe we should let himlearn that when he makes demands like that and starts yelling there is consequnences and that he wont be able to come home.

I dont know.....the problem is, by wednesday, he will totally forget that this ever happened and he just wont understand why he is not coming home.

running away

running away

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my older son, when frustrated, runs away...well, not really.

this is a typical scenario:

"N you need to calm down"

N smashes a few doors then says

"im running away" and out the door he goes.

In the past, i use to follow him, this would take hours, because everytime he would see me he would keep running (we were trying to do some attachement work when he first came to us, and we felt that if he saw us running after him, he would think we cared.....we thought he was testing ....but now i dont go...)

so he goes about two houses down, on the sidewalk, and keeps looking back to see if im watching. i just watch from the window, then he slowly comes back...lol

so, since he started this behavior again, i sat him down and told him

"what a great strategy that was, talking a walk outside when your upset to calm down"

he said
"yea, its my new strategy"

here is my dilemma....he does say 'running away' and my fear is, that when he is in 'his dark place', he really has limited control so thats why he runs. however, he is a scared scared child, but i think that when he gerts older he will have more nerve and start to go further if i dont nip this in the butt.

last week i sat him down and said
"hey buddy, you know when you run away, i think its fine if you need to go outside, but i want you to run away in the backyard so i can keep you safe"

he agreed......(but im no fool)

my son cannot process too much, especially when he is in his dark place and he just reacts....

any ideas on what i posted....i can really use some advice....im trying to take the power out of 'unning away' but im nervous that at the same time, he is going to get older and get more risker in his 'running away' because i dont make a big deal about it...