got to love 'em

got to love 'em...update

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well, yesterday was my first school field trip....AHHHHH!!!!

I got a call from my older sons teacher. she asked if it was ok to bring him on the field trip (most know why she would ask me...lol)

anyway, i said, sure, i think he will be fine. I told her things to look out for, and blah blah blah...but then i told her, "you know what, he has never had a problem in school, so im not to worried about him going"

they were going to the aquirium and she was concerned because of the 'dark places'. I told her he was there already, i brought him once before so he is familiar with it and it wasnt a issue.

then, in a hestitant voice, she said "well, i was thinking that maybe you would want to come and keep an eye on him.."....lol

I had to cancel all my work crap, and off to the field trip i go....

it was real interesting to see my son in school. I got to his class early, before we were going and just watched him interact with the other kids and how he listened to the teacher.

I kinda got a little sad, just watching him. you know when your just sitting there and then all of sudden you get a flood of emotions coming at you as you watch them play or something.....lol.

anyway, I kept thinking of all the horrible stuff, just looking at him. Thinking all the abuse, he is in a group home....etc. He will never be like any other kid.....i just got so sad......

He listened to the teacher, he went on the rug to hear the story, raised his hand when he was supposed to. He was so quiet and shy....

he kept looking at me across the room, made sure i was in eye shot of him and he just kept smiling and saying, "thats my dad over there"

then when the kids were getting ready, he ran to me and pulled out a vlantines day card and said "here daddy, i made you a valentines day card because i love you...." I nearly started bawling but i didnt. It was a real nice card too....lol

anyway, i was in charge of 4 kids, including my own....lol. I thought i was only going to keep my eye on my kid.....lol.

the teachers kept laughing at me and saying "your going to be tired tonight...lol" they were very supportive.

we got on the bus, he wanted to sit next to me and he wanted to sleep in my lap and me rub his back.....(under the shirt)...i was like....oh, god, not now.......here i am with my kid on the bus and all the kids are all talking to each other and i got my kid laying on my lap and me rubbing his back....(he just aint normal.....)

we had a great time, and the kids said i was the best chaperon they ever had, until..........i didnt buy them sovenirs......lol.

oh well, i was the best for a little while......

then i took my child home and we all had a family dinner and had a great visit......however, he is still trying to be the best little boy for us. its so sad that he thinks he has to be perfect to come home, no matter how many times we talk to him about it..

i actually enjoyed going on the field trip, plus i think it made my sons day that i came......

transitions

transitions

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Im clueless.....

my 6 yr old has major transitonal problems, like im sure some of our kids out there do, but how do you handle it.

Heres my situatition.....just want to point out, it might be more my issue then my childs, i think......

ok, here i go. heres the scenario:

i pick him up at school, he runs into my arms and is happy to see me, he cant wait to go home. He puts on his coat then we walk out the door, ...then comes......:


"daddy, im going to take the secret way to the car"

"ok son, for one minute because we have to leave.."

then he walks on the banks of snow, kicking the snow.

tick tock tick tock....2 minutes later, but there i wait as i watch other parents come and go with their 'normal' kids (lol) as they hop write in the car with no problems and off they go.

"ok, its time to go, we need to go so i can make dinner, plus all the kids are going home now"

"ok daddy..but first i need to break through the snow and make a passage way...."

"ok, 1 minute then we gotta go" kick the snow, kick the snow.....

tick tock tick tock.....as i say to myself....hurry up..hurry up,,,,God do i have to go to the bathroom....hurry up

"c'mon, we gotta go..." me
"ok, ok, one minute...." son
"we really got to go...." me
then i walk over to pick him up, he screams, then says "ok ok,".

then he hopes in the car.........

off we go..........

now, what do i do with this?...i really dont know.

things i do know:
1 my son has trouble with transitions and he likes to be for- warned before any transition so i let him play

2. whos it hurting anyway that he is playing? its usually me in a rush to go home after work. so is it my issue or his?

3. is this a control issue and im falling for it...letting him do what he wants to do....and thats not good?

just asking out there, im sure others have run into this.

id like to point out, that I am not big on taking ALL control away from my children... so im just wondering how others deal with this...for all i know, this could be common in biokids also and im thinking to much.

or should i just say:

"hey, get in the car...OK, thats long enough......go ahead..do it again! do it again!!"........(only kidding)

fire starter

fire starter

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hi,

my five year old, i think, is obseesed with fire. I know with kids with attachment issues, this is common.

Before we got him, he did have a 'fire starter' eval and the doctor felt that he didnt have an issue, but he was deemed to young to get a sence

But he does seem obsessed with it, not all the time, but likes to watch fire on TV. He face lights up. "daddy, look,a fire"

the only thing he remembered about bambi, was when the forest caught fire, not that mom died....

in the summer, we had the barbecue on and he went running to look at the fire. Both kids did, but the younger guy seeemed more interested in it.

Around christmas time, i had a candle buring in the living room and he was so excited. He just looked at it and asked to blow it because he said it makes him nervous, but i think he just likes to blow them out

He brings 'fire' up every once in a while, but its not often, but when it happens, you can sort of see a gleam in his eyes.

He has no desire to play with fire trucks or pretending there is fire in his play.

Im not sure if im making a big thing out of it due to his pasts record.

We were over my wifes sisters house the other day, who had a fire place buring and he said "i like to warm my hands" he also says that about the candle buring. He does put his hands near the flame and rubs them like he is getting them warm, but keeps a distance.

I know alot of kids, including adults, are facinated by fire, but how do i know if its an issue or not? are there any signs?

what about the candles? part of me wants to keep them lite so he can get use to seeing the fire so its not that much of a facination or will I be trigging something? When he came to us, we have nothing buring in the house at all. We still dont.

or do i just need to relax and see what happens? all his therapists knows about it, but it never really comes up, just his 'contol'...

education

eduacation

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i have a question, and i want to do know what people think.

our 8 yr old is currently in 1st grade. We havnt focused too much on learning due to all his transitions but he is still not up to par with the first graders, but they cannot keep him back another year.

Would an afterschool program with an education componant help? or should it really be just play time

I want him to catch up, but i dont want to frustrate him either where he is doing to much school work.

is there such thing as too much education? i have always thought so, but i dont want my child to be so far behind. Hes already 8.

just want some opinions

oh well.

oh well

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well, its seems my son is not doing so great in the group home.

he was restrained last night and then when i got home from work there was a phone call and i can hear my little one screaming in the backgroud....all those great words that i grew to love....

they said he was having problems with limits and wouldnt follow directions so they had to put him in the time out room....

one step forward, two steps back...write?

i got real upset hearing him over the phone screaming like that, and like a jerk i put the tantrum video on to watch...why did i do this? I guess i wanted to remember what it was like, to see his face screaming at the top of his lungs, then i watched the part where we had to call the ambulance and him punching me and kicking me because he didnt want to go...

I cant believe he is in this much pain. Ill give him a call in a few hours to check in. Part of me wants to run over there and comfort him, but i just cant do that.

God how i hate to hear him like that and i hate this feeling of being so powerless.

maybe he should of stayed in that foster home, apparently there was no reports on him trantruming like this. sometimes i think if they come up with a service plan for them around the older foster childs sexual abusing my son, he would do better there.

i just dont know sometimes whats the best thing.....

just kinda feeling sad.

I am so mad.

I Am So Mad

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im just venting.....

well, as most of you know, my child finally went to the group home last thursday, the group home is actually one flight up from the RTC he was in

The plan now is to have him slowly transition back to our house. So he started his old school yesterday. The school that he was attending at our house before he went to the RTC.

He has been out of that school for about 2 months now.

well, they called me the other day and said that they will be bringing my child to school at 8:15am when school starts. I told them that i will be meeting him there on his first day to help him with the transition.

well, i got there at 8am just to be sure i wouldnt miss them. And it was cold out here in boston.....(made friends with the crossing guard though)

anyway, at 9am, still no show, i went in the school and talked to the teachers and principal, they had this welcome plan for him so his transiton could be smooth.

i called the group home and asked what happend and they said "huh...hes eating breakfast but i cant bring him till at least another hour" then he asked me how to get there.....i was flawed.

My child has big problems with transitions and they know this...i couldnt believe how they messed up his first day back. he was anxious enough, but the group home really was la de da about it

Plus, it was testing day at his school, (probably the worst day for him to start anyway) so when my child finally made it to school, he had to sit in a corner and play with blocks until the kids finished testing because he got there so late.

the school was so angry also.

then i told them that school is out at 2:20 and ill be there to see how his day was. well, i left work early and got there at 2pm (just in case) and who do i see getting in the van to go back to the group home, but my son. I ran over to them and asked why he is leaving school early, and he said "well, i got here early, so i just took him out of class."

i didnt want to make a stink cause my son was there. but i almost could of killed them.

I called the director of the program, and was so angry and they apoligized.....whatever...

anyway,. my son had a great day at school, thanks god.

so i called this morning to make sure he was going to be on time and they said "oh, didnt someone call you? he will not be going to school today because he sprained his ankle in the gym playing basketball and its swollen so we will be taking him to the doctors instead....."

I AM SO MAD!!! Can this poor kid get a break anywhere?......i realize it was an accident, but i mean, i just get so frustrated..nothing has gone right for this child....

hide and seek

hide and seek

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quick question

my child, everytime we move from thing to the next...ex: breakfast to cleaning up...or dinner to bath....

he needs for me to close my eyes, then find him...(he hids in the same spot all the time)

but its constant...its getting on my nerves. NOt just once...he can do it all the time, after you find him, he says "close you eyes".....and can keep going on and on and on. HE goes from one spot to the next......if you find him to quickly, he gets mad at you....lol

do alot of kids do this?