refrigerator guidelines

refrigerator guidelines

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first id like to say sorry, i mentioned i would post this, and i forgot all about it...anyway, here it is. Not sure how many had seen this, but it is helpful when in crisis to go by some of these guidlines.

1. stay calm. keep things cool. use positive language. you can disagree and set limits without raising your voice.

2. go slow. progress is slow and painful in these children. be careful not to say "you can do it!" Progress can bring fear of abandoment. If the child becomes more capable and indepent, he fears adults will expect more of him and be less attentive.

3. Lower your expectations. set realistic goals for everyone. INvolve the child in setting goals. focus on smaller problems and break them down into steps. focusing on big problems can lead everyone to experience discouragement and failure.

4. maintain family routines. keep your connections. life goes on so have some fun.

5. find some time for nuturing movements (talking, games, giving compliments) and be spontaneous ("Give me five!")

6. help the child through ego-building experiences, things that make them feel good or that involve tackling a challenge such as chores, sports, music, crafts.

7. set limits. everyone needs to kow what the rules are. then stick by the limits.

8. all caregiveers have to be on the same page so develp strategies that work for everyone and be consitent.

9. do not tolerate abusive treatment. walk away of fall silent if necessary. talk again when child is calm.

10. dont try to reason with a child who is having an outburst. dont get defensive. talk little. simple set the limit, provide a soothing approach .

11. maintain safety. hold the child or call for help. have crisis plan ready.

12. be a good listener. do not discount what the child is saying. really try to hear the childs view of the world and understand that his thinking makes sence given his experiences and level of development. when you show respect and understanding for the child's viewpoint, he feels freer to tell you what hes thinking.

13. always remember that whenever you take care of a child, understand him, provide safety, soothing and unconditional love, that you are doing great good. these children can push your buttons and make slow progress, but never doubt that your love is immensely valuable to them.

thats it!...these are just the basics for the guidelines and with each one, they have reasons on why these guidlines help.

but the list was just kinda like a check list...who wants to go pick out the book on the shelf and turn to page...oh what was that page?...and look for the highlighted part that you thought would come in handy at times like these...

anyway, i hope this helps...sorry so late...

tooth fairy finally comes

the tooth fairy finally comes

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well, my 7 yr old son, finally had his tooth come out....its his first tooth....

so of course he is happy and the tooth fairy is coming.

so i took his tooth and put it in a safe place.

I got two silver dollars that the tooth fairly will leave......but... my son fell asleep before the ritual of actually putting the tooth under his pillow.

so we were left with a decision to make...

1. do i just put the money under the pillow (sorry for that, for those who still believe in the tooth fairy)

or

2. just wait till tomorrows so he can enjoy the ritual and the excitment of putting the tooth under his pillow...

my wife and i had a different opinion...but like usual, she won...and we would wait till the next day so he can do the ritual.

so i put his tooth in a plastic bag and left it on our dresser so we wouldnt lose it.

it just so happens, that the next day, we were having a visit from the RTC to evaluate our home and put supports in place when my other son comes home from the RTC, we are just at the beginning stages.

as most know, i am a clean nut, so i was cleaning up the house before they came...

when the night finally rolled around and we were ready to do our ritual, my son was excited and guess what...the tooth was gone....


it was horrible...my little one was searching everywhere for the tooth...the clock was ticking and it was starting to get late...my older son was getting annoyed because he was getting tired..but there we all were....looking for the tooth.

we thought of writing a note...but instead i told him that i will not go to bed until i find the tooth and the tooth fairy will come....

i lied!!!!!!!! or fibed!!!!!!!!!! or just helped him with the fantasy...i guess it depends on how you look at it....

so he finally went to bed.....

and the tooth fairy did come...and he was so excited.......he ran in our room and woke us up and told us about the silver coins that she left....

he never even thanked me for staying up late and looking for his tooth...

so, thats my story......and thats my sons first tooth story....it will have to go in my memory book for him, once i get the picture developed of his missing tooth..... probably by christmas...i hope...

just thought id share my little guys first tooth experience....can you tell im bored, i have nothing to say....lol
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kinda sad

kinda sad

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hi guys,

well tomorrow is our big day. we are legalizing our younger son. Rain and wind is in the forcast, and today is kinda gloomy outside.

I took the little guy shopping last week to buy his suit and new shoes. He looks great. He is so handsome if i do say so myself.

his book that i made is ready and though i had trouble finding something to buy him like a watch or something (he will lose it within a day) i decided that we will buy him a tree and watch it grow.

so everything is all set. what a happy time...right?...not really.

we were suppose to be adopting the two boys together. It just doesnt seem like I should be feeling this way.

my younger son was acting crazy this weekend, my older son stated he really wanted to come back and live with us....we had a up and down weekend.

anyway, just venting.....im having a real hard time writing a letter to my son around how wonderful I feel about legalizing tomorrow.

maybe ill just write the truth about how this day is making me feel. I dont know.

but im really having a hard time writing this for him.

anyway, thats where im at today....kinda sad.

my two boys

my two boys..

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hi guys,

well, i have some good and bad news to report. first the good news.

my younger son, over the last couple of weeks, has changed...it seems like a light switch went on.

he has become so compliant, funny, and just a joy to be around...

i have no idea what happened....

he just loves to be around us, and wants us to be with him all the time. his lying has stopped, he has been doing his chores with no struggle at all, no battle, no nothing...has been doing them with a smile.

he still hates his new school, but that will hopefully change in time.

this is so bizare...i have no problem bringing him out in public, he is listening....what the heck happened..

also, he has been having a lot of fears. (this is new...he was never scared of anything before, or would admit to it...) now he comes to me and asks me to watch tv with him because he is scared to be alone, he wants me near him alot because he is get scared sometimes.

i know people might think that being scared is a 'bad' thing..but for my son, who wouldnt admit to being hurt or being scared of anything, i think its healthy that he is verbalizing this stuff

i cant even tell you what changed...its like a light switch just went on....im hoping it will last.

my older son, is still the same, he is still doing good on the meds...

tonight i got a call that he broke his ankle at school and he just got back from the hospital.

they said he handled it very well but now is getting a little frustrated because he cant walk around so easy....

i did get permission to see him tomorrow morning before work..so ill check on him.

anyway, thats the update...

oh, i just put my younger son on an allowance. he gets $2 a week...is that too little for a 'just turned' 7 yr old?...

also, my older son, on visits, have said in frustration, that he 'hates his brother'...he has always said this, just as the other guy says it.

i have always chalked it up as brothers..but lately ive been wondering more about it.

i called his therapist to see if she can explore it a little and find out if its just words, or does he really hate his brother.

you guys know my sons history, so you can see why i might think it might not be normal sibling stuff.....

anyway, any thoughts on that?...i probably shouldnt be concerned with it..but i rather be safe then sorry..
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legal rights

legal rights

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hi all,

i talked to my sons halfbrothers amom last night (following me?)

she informed me, that my sons birthmom ran from the shelter with her new husband (she was pregnant) and moved to another state.

she apparently wanted to run away from DSS. She had the baby, and its a boy.

I did call DSS in the new state, to give them a heads up. she is severly mentally ill.

she also told me that bmom has hired a lawyer and is now currently in the process of trying to gain custody of my boys. (the halfbrother has already been legally adopted).....my children have not

the courts found her to be 'unfit' due to severe neglect and abuse and all parental rights have been terminated over 2 years ago.

at this point, all we are doing, is waiting for a date to legalize..the papers have all been signed and were just waiting...its been a couple of months at this point.

so, all i really want to know...and only this....since we havnt formally legalized, does she have any legal standing?

now i have heard everything.

ok, now i have heard everything

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my younger son, whos hair is getting real long...refusees to get his haircut...but he doesnt tell me why...(this is an odd issue, he usually likes to get his haircut...)

so i havnt pushed it, until the last couple of weeks....

finally, yesterday, i told him that i will be cutting it since he wont go to the barber, and im not that great at cutting hair and it might look funny....

then he said...

"but daddy, i need it to grow longer before i cut it, so i can give it to the kids who are sick who have no hair"....

now what do i do?...

am i totally crazy, or jusgt a little?

am i totally crazy, or just a little?

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i talked to my older sons therapist today.

she said that he is doing real, the risperdol has helped him alot, and he has never needed to be restrained since he has been there.

they have not seen anything that what we reported, but they do believe us, because all the hospitals he has been also reported what we saw.

she talks about how in therapy that he feels real sad that he cant live with us and he really wants to.

he says that he gets angry that he gets angry and he knows thats why he cant live here.

he is worried that because of his anger that he will keep getting rejected.

then she discussed that everytime she talks to me, that i seem very ambivilant (sp?) about this disruption thing and why?

i explained to her that we really didnt want to disrupt but they were not willing to put him on the risperdol and we couldnt live the way we were living.

so the choice became 'disrupt with risperdol' or 'not disrupt, with no med changes'

so, we knew we couldnt do it, and DSS made the decision for us.

she said that DSS is willing to look at it again, and she talked to the workers over there.

she said that we are 'great' and she really wishes that he could come home, she understands the stress, because alot of her other kids have my sons outbursts......but with the risperdol, he doesnt seem to have these rages anymore

she said that they actually offer parenting classes on trauma kids that we can attend,

they said that we would definitly make sure he is stable before discharge,

they can offer respite there for either overnight or even just during the day, apparently they have two respite beds for past clients,

they also have a therapist that comes to the home for home therapy.

they also can supply as much help as needed.

they said we have staff here that are willing to do some extra work (wink wink, nodd nodd) 'babysit' because they know how to deal with these kids and their goal is to work with the family so they dont disrupt.

they realize that a regular 'babysitter' doesnt really stick around...(thats an understatment)

she has said on numerous occasions that she wishes our son came there first....and i do agree, they are working miracles with him and the place is very clean and have more professional staff

am i CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT HIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my wife wants him back to, but of course she is more level headed and said, we need to really discuss this and really look at our options.

he has been doing great on our visits. since the risperdol, he doesnt go into his 'loops' (as we call them), he has gotten angry...but no hitting or major meltdowns....

what do you guys think? ARE WE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!

but he is my son...i cant see him any other way yet.

my younger son really wants him to come home, he threw a fit at our last visit, and after we dropped him off, on the way home he started kicking the seat and yelling "i want 'N' to come home...he is all better....i wANT HIM HOME....".....