my two boys

my two boys..

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hi guys,

well, i have some good and bad news to report. first the good news.

my younger son, over the last couple of weeks, has changed...it seems like a light switch went on.

he has become so compliant, funny, and just a joy to be around...

i have no idea what happened....

he just loves to be around us, and wants us to be with him all the time. his lying has stopped, he has been doing his chores with no struggle at all, no battle, no nothing...has been doing them with a smile.

he still hates his new school, but that will hopefully change in time.

this is so bizare...i have no problem bringing him out in public, he is listening....what the heck happened..

also, he has been having a lot of fears. (this is new...he was never scared of anything before, or would admit to it...) now he comes to me and asks me to watch tv with him because he is scared to be alone, he wants me near him alot because he is get scared sometimes.

i know people might think that being scared is a 'bad' thing..but for my son, who wouldnt admit to being hurt or being scared of anything, i think its healthy that he is verbalizing this stuff

i cant even tell you what changed...its like a light switch just went on....im hoping it will last.

my older son, is still the same, he is still doing good on the meds...

tonight i got a call that he broke his ankle at school and he just got back from the hospital.

they said he handled it very well but now is getting a little frustrated because he cant walk around so easy....

i did get permission to see him tomorrow morning before work..so ill check on him.

anyway, thats the update...

oh, i just put my younger son on an allowance. he gets $2 a week...is that too little for a 'just turned' 7 yr old?...

also, my older son, on visits, have said in frustration, that he 'hates his brother'...he has always said this, just as the other guy says it.

i have always chalked it up as brothers..but lately ive been wondering more about it.

i called his therapist to see if she can explore it a little and find out if its just words, or does he really hate his brother.

you guys know my sons history, so you can see why i might think it might not be normal sibling stuff.....

anyway, any thoughts on that?...i probably shouldnt be concerned with it..but i rather be safe then sorry..
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legal rights

legal rights

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hi all,

i talked to my sons halfbrothers amom last night (following me?)

she informed me, that my sons birthmom ran from the shelter with her new husband (she was pregnant) and moved to another state.

she apparently wanted to run away from DSS. She had the baby, and its a boy.

I did call DSS in the new state, to give them a heads up. she is severly mentally ill.

she also told me that bmom has hired a lawyer and is now currently in the process of trying to gain custody of my boys. (the halfbrother has already been legally adopted).....my children have not

the courts found her to be 'unfit' due to severe neglect and abuse and all parental rights have been terminated over 2 years ago.

at this point, all we are doing, is waiting for a date to legalize..the papers have all been signed and were just waiting...its been a couple of months at this point.

so, all i really want to know...and only this....since we havnt formally legalized, does she have any legal standing?

now i have heard everything.

ok, now i have heard everything

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my younger son, whos hair is getting real long...refusees to get his haircut...but he doesnt tell me why...(this is an odd issue, he usually likes to get his haircut...)

so i havnt pushed it, until the last couple of weeks....

finally, yesterday, i told him that i will be cutting it since he wont go to the barber, and im not that great at cutting hair and it might look funny....

then he said...

"but daddy, i need it to grow longer before i cut it, so i can give it to the kids who are sick who have no hair"....

now what do i do?...

am i totally crazy, or jusgt a little?

am i totally crazy, or just a little?

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i talked to my older sons therapist today.

she said that he is doing real, the risperdol has helped him alot, and he has never needed to be restrained since he has been there.

they have not seen anything that what we reported, but they do believe us, because all the hospitals he has been also reported what we saw.

she talks about how in therapy that he feels real sad that he cant live with us and he really wants to.

he says that he gets angry that he gets angry and he knows thats why he cant live here.

he is worried that because of his anger that he will keep getting rejected.

then she discussed that everytime she talks to me, that i seem very ambivilant (sp?) about this disruption thing and why?

i explained to her that we really didnt want to disrupt but they were not willing to put him on the risperdol and we couldnt live the way we were living.

so the choice became 'disrupt with risperdol' or 'not disrupt, with no med changes'

so, we knew we couldnt do it, and DSS made the decision for us.

she said that DSS is willing to look at it again, and she talked to the workers over there.

she said that we are 'great' and she really wishes that he could come home, she understands the stress, because alot of her other kids have my sons outbursts......but with the risperdol, he doesnt seem to have these rages anymore

she said that they actually offer parenting classes on trauma kids that we can attend,

they said that we would definitly make sure he is stable before discharge,

they can offer respite there for either overnight or even just during the day, apparently they have two respite beds for past clients,

they also have a therapist that comes to the home for home therapy.

they also can supply as much help as needed.

they said we have staff here that are willing to do some extra work (wink wink, nodd nodd) 'babysit' because they know how to deal with these kids and their goal is to work with the family so they dont disrupt.

they realize that a regular 'babysitter' doesnt really stick around...(thats an understatment)

she has said on numerous occasions that she wishes our son came there first....and i do agree, they are working miracles with him and the place is very clean and have more professional staff

am i CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT HIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my wife wants him back to, but of course she is more level headed and said, we need to really discuss this and really look at our options.

he has been doing great on our visits. since the risperdol, he doesnt go into his 'loops' (as we call them), he has gotten angry...but no hitting or major meltdowns....

what do you guys think? ARE WE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!

but he is my son...i cant see him any other way yet.

my younger son really wants him to come home, he threw a fit at our last visit, and after we dropped him off, on the way home he started kicking the seat and yelling "i want 'N' to come home...he is all better....i wANT HIM HOME....".....

ok, I know, im needy this week.

ok..i know...im needy this week

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hi all,

want to ask anyone out there, if they are familiar with these new types of medications.

has anyone heard of a medication called amantadine....its given to parkinsons patience in their early stages of the disease.

they are finding that kids with 'explosive behaviors', that is calms them.

a woman i know who adopted a 6 yr old, who is now 16, this drug changed him.

he has had numerous hospitilazations and RTC until the last 6 months.....he loves the drug and reports that its the first time in his whole life he feels 'normal.'

has not had a meltdown since he has been on it....and has actually been calm when he didnt get what he watned....its doesnt sedate him or anything....

apparently it has to do with the dopamine in the brain....but im not to clear on it.

has anyone had any experience with this?

now my other question, this is more for my younger son....

has anyone used omega 3 fish oil...liquid....

a few other parents i have talked to (i talk to anyone who would listen...lol)....said that they put their child on this holistic fish oil and its the first time they see their child happy...but warned me if they gave her too much, then it wouldnt work.

apparently alot of doctors are trying this with kids with explosive behaviors also...again, im not really sure exactly what it does and what it is for.

another friend of mine told me that their whole family takes it....

has anyone heard of these new medications that they are trying?...

school issues

school issues

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well, i just got off the phone with my younger sons school and they are scheduling his IEP meeting for next wednesday.

the counselor gave me a heads up, and they are looking at sending my son to a different school....

i am so freaking pist...........i have been trying so hard to get my kids in some normal routine, but one thing after the other, over the last couple of years just wont happen...

i am so upset..not because of the special school, well, part, because the school he is in now, is around the corner and this school is downtown....and ihate driving downtown due to the traffic (yes i am whinning)

the reason we moved here, so we could have a neighborhood and he can get to know kids from his school and things like that....

this will just isolate him even more...because we wont know the kids in the area...

so here we go, another transition...oh, my son is in kindergartin.

his self estemm is shot as it is...and now i have to tell him that he has to go to another school across town no less....(he likes his new friends that he made at this school)

this is just me venting..i feel like giving ujp sometimes on trying to have my kids have some normal life, when i l know deep down that they could...but the powers to be just keep fighting it...

anyway ...just venting, tomorrow is another day, and the sun will shine, and i will just start all over again on trying to deal with this information...

then soon i will be starting all over again around structure...

heres a question..how many transitions can a child take before they totally give up?
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how would you feel?

how would you feel?

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hi all,

here is a question for children that were placed for adoption due to neglect and abuse, but were young and didnt remember their birthparents.

while you were young, your aparents told you that your birth family couldnt take care of you because of problems they were having in their life. (true)

your aparents never went into detail, but just left it like that, due to you were so young any way.

as you got older, you learned the truth about your history of abuse and neglect and your aparents told you, but waited...

here are my questions:

would you be mad at you aparents waiting so long to tell you the truth?

at what age would you of liked the whole truth?

and if your aparents never told you the truth, because the truth was so awful, but you found out on your own, would you be mad at them?

and, would you really want to know that information anyway?